The Rainbow-虹(英文版)-第93部分

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teacher。　The　least　you　could　do　is　to　try。　You　need　only　serve　a
year；　or　perhaps　two　years；　as　uncertificated　teacher。　Then　you
would　go　to　one　of　the　training　colleges；　where　I　hope　you　would
take　your　degree。　I　most　strongly　urge　and　advise　you　to　keep　up
your　studies　always　with　the　intention　of　taking　a　degree。　That
will　give　you　a　qualification　and　a　position　in　the　world；　and
will　give　you　more　scope　to　choose　your　own　way。

〃I　shall　be　proud　to　see　one　of　my　girls　win　her　own
economical　independence；　which　means　so　much　more　than　it　seems。
I　shall　be　glad　indeed　to　know　that　one　more　of　my　girls　has
provided　for　herself　the　means　of　freedom　to　choose　for
herself。〃

It　all　sounded　grim　and　desperate。　Ursula　rather　hated　it。
But　her　mother's　contempt　and　her　father's　harshness　had　made
her　raw　at　the　quick；　she　knew　the　ignominy　of　being　a
hanger…on；　she　felt　the　festering　thorn　of　her　mother's　animal
estimation。

At　length　she　had　to　speak。　Hard　and　shut　down　and　silent
within　herself；　she　slipped　out　one　evening　to　the　workshed。　She
heard　the　tap…tap…tap　of　the　hammer　upon　the　metal。　Her　father
lifted　his　head　as　the　door　opened。　His　face　was　ruddy　and
bright　with　instinct；　as　when　he　was　a　youth；　his　black
moustache　was　cut　close　over　his　wide　mouth；　his　black　hair　was
fine　and　close　as　ever。　But　there　was　about　him　an　abstraction；
a　sort　of　instrumental　detachment　from　human　things。　He　was　a
worker。　He　watched　his　daughter's　hard；　expressionless　face。　A
hot　anger　came　over　his　breast　and　belly。

〃What　now？〃　he　said。

〃Can't　I；〃　she　answered；　looking　aside；　not　looking　at　him；
〃can't　I　go　out　to　work？〃

〃Go　out　to　work；　what　for？〃

His　voice　was　so　strong；　and　ready；　and　vibrant。　It　irritated
her。

〃I　want　some　other　life　than　this。〃

A　flash　of　strong　rage　arrested　all　his　blood　for　a
moment。

〃Some　other　life？〃　he　repeated。　〃Why；　what　other　life　do　you
want？〃

She　hesitated。

〃Something　else　besides　housework　and　hanging　about。　And　I
want　to　earn　something。〃

Her　curious；　brutal　hardness　of　speech；　and　the　fierce
invincibility　of　her　youth；　which　ignored　him；　made　him　also
harden　with　anger。

〃And　how　do　you　think　you're　going　to　earn　anything？〃
he　asked。

〃I　can　bee　a　teacher……I'm　qualified　by　my
matric。〃

He　wished　her　matric。　in　hell。

〃And　how　much　are　you　qualified　to　earn　by　your　matric。？〃　he
asked；　jeering。

〃Fifty　pounds　a　year；〃　she　said。

He　was　silent；　his　power　taken　out　of　his　hand。

He　had　always　hugged　a　secret　pride　in　the　fact　that　his
daughters　need　not　go　out　to　work。　With　his　wife's　money　and　his
own　they　had　four　hundred　a　year。　They　could　draw　on　the　capital
if　need　be　later　on。　He　was　not　afraid　for　his　old　age。　His
daughters　might　be　ladies。

Fifty　pounds　a　year　was　a　pound　a　week……which　was　enough
for　her　to　live　on　independently。

〃And　what　sort　of　a　teacher　do　you　think　you'd　make？　You
haven't　the　patience　of　a　Jack…gnat　with　your　own　brothers　and
sisters；　let　alone　with　a　class　of　children。　And　I　thought　you
didn't　like　dirty；　board…school　brats。〃

〃They're　not　all　dirty。〃

〃You'd　find　they're　not　all　clean。〃

There　was　silence　in　the　workshop。　The　lamplight　fell　on　the
burned　silver　bowl　that　lay　between　him；　on　mallet　and　furnace
and　chisel。　Brangwen　stood　with　a　queer；　catlike　light　on　his
face；　almost　like　a　smile。　But　it　was　no　smile。

〃Can　I　try？〃　she　said。

〃You　can　do　what　the　deuce　you　like；　and　go　where　you
like。〃

Her　face　was　fixed　and　expressionless　and　indifferent。　It
always　sent　him　to　a　pitch　of　frenzy　to　see　it　like　that。　He
kept　perfectly　still。

Cold；　without　any　betrayal　of　feeling；　she　turned　and　left
the　shed。　He　worked　on；　with　all　his　nerves　jangled。　Then　he　had
to　put　down　his　tools　and　go　into　the　house。

In　a　bitter　tone　of　anger　and　contempt　he　told　his　wife。
Ursula　was　present。　There　was　a　brief　altercation；　closed　by
Mrs。　Brangwen's　saying；　in　a　tone　of　biting　superiority　and
indifference：

〃Let　her　find　out　what　it's　like。　She'll　soon　have　had
enough。〃

The　matter　was　left　there。　But　Ursula　considered　herself　free
to　act。　For　some　days　she　made　no　move。　She　was　reluctant　to
take　the　cruel　step　of　finding　work；　for　she　shrank　with　extreme
sensitiveness　and　shyness　from　new　contact；　new　situations。　Then
at　length　a　sort　of　doggedness　drove　her。　Her　soul　was　full　of
bitterness。

She　went　to　the　Free　Library　in　Ilkeston；　copied　out
addresses　from　the　Schoolmistress；　and　wrote　for
application　forms。　After　two　days　she　rose　early　to　meet　the
postman。　As　she　expected；　there　were　three　long　envelopes。

Her　heart　beat　painfully　as　she　went　up　with　them　to　her
bedroom。　Her　fingers　trembled；　she　could　hardly　force　herself　to
look　at　the　long；　official　forms　she　had　to　fill　in。　The　whole
thing　was　so　cruel；　so　impersonal。　Yet　it　must　be　done。

〃Name　（surname　first）：。。。〃

In　a　trembling　hand　she　wrote；　〃Brangwen；……Ursula。〃

〃Age　and　date　of　birth：。。。〃

After　a　long　time　considering；　she　filled　in　that　line。

〃Qualifications；　with　date　of　Examination：。。。〃

With　a　little　pride　she　wrote：

〃London　Matriculation　Examination。〃

〃Previous　experience　and　where　obtained：。。。〃

Her　heart　sank　as　she　wrote：

〃None。〃

Still　there　was　much　to　answer。　It　took　her　two　hours　to　fill
in　the　three　forms。　Then　she　had　to　copy　her　testimonials　from
her　head…mistress　and　from　the　clergyman。

At　last；　however；　it　was　finished。　She　had　sealed　the　three
long　envelopes。　In　the　afternoon　she　went　down　to　Ilkeston　to
post　them。　She　said　nothing　of　it　all　to　her　parents。　As　she
stamped　her　long　letters　and　put　them　into　the　box　at　the　main
post…office　she　felt　as　if　already　she　was　out　of　the　reach　of
her　father　and　mother；　as　if　she　had　connected　herself　with　the
outer；　greater　world　of　activity；　the　man…made　world。

As　she　returned　home；　she　dreamed　again　in　her　own　fashion
her　old；　gorgeous　dreams。　One　of　her　applications　was　to
Gillingham；　in　Kent；　one　to　Kingston…on…Thames；　and　one　to
Swanwick　in　Derbyshire。

Gillingham　was　such　a　lovely　name；　and　Kent　was　the　Garden　of
England。　So　that；　in　Gillingham；　an　old；　old　village　by　the
hopfields；　where　the　sun　shone　softly；　she　came　out　of　school　in
the　afternoon　into　the　shadow　of　the　plane　trees　by　the　gate；
and　turned　down　the　sleepy　road　towards　the　cottage　where
cornflowers　poked　their　blue　heads　through　the　old　wooden　fence；
and　phlox　stood　built　up　of　blossom　beside　the　path。

A　delicate；　silver…haired　lady　rose　with　delicate；　ivory
hands　uplifted　as　Ursula　entered　the　room；　and：

〃Oh；　my　dear；　what　do　you　think！〃

〃What　is　it；　Mrs。　Wetherall？〃

Frederick　had　e　home。　Nay；　his　manly　step　was　heard　on　the
stair；　she　saw　his　strong　boots；　his　blue　trousers；　his
uniformed　figure；　and　then　his　face；　clean　and　keen　as　an
eagle's；　and　his　eyes　lit　up　with　the　glamour　of　strange　seas；
ah；　strange　seas　that　had　woven　through　his　soul；　as　he
descended　into　the　kitchen。

This　dream；　with　its　amplifications；　lasted　her　a　mile　of
walking。　Then　she　went　to　Kingston…on…Thames。

Kingston…on…Thames　was　an　old　historic　place　just　south　of
London。　There　lived　the　well…born　dignified　souls　who　belonged
to　the　metropolis；　but　who　loved　peace。　There　she　met　a
wonderful　family　of　girls　living　in　a　large　old　Queen　Anne
house；　whose　lawns　sloped　to　the　river；　and　in　an　atmosphere　of
stately　peace　she　found　herself　among　her　soul's　intimates。　They
loved　her　as　sisters；　they　shared　with　her　all　noble
thoughts。

She　was　happy　again。　In　her　musings　she　spread　her　poor；
clipped　wings；　and　flew　into　the　pure　empyrean。

Day　followed　day。　She　did　not　speak　to　her　parents。　Then　came
the　return　of　her　testimonials　from　Gillingham。　She　was　not
wanted；　neither　at　Swanwick。　The　bitterness　of　rejection
followed　the　sweets　of　hope。　Her　bright　feathers　were　in　the
dust　again。

Then；　suddenly；　after　a　fortnight；　came　an　intimation　from
Kingston…on…Thames。　She　was　to　appear　at　the　Education　Office　of
that　town　on　the　following　Thursday；　for　an　interview　with　the
mittee。　Her　heart　stood　still。　She　knew　she　would　make　the
mittee　accept　her。　Now　she　was　afraid；　now　that　her　removal