new moon(暮光之城-新月英文版)-第67部分

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acted　this　way。　〃What's　it　to　
you？〃　
He　wrinkled　his　nose　again　like　he　smelled　something　unpleasant。　〃Where's　your　
'friend'？〃　I　could　hear　
the　quotation　marks　in　his　tone。　
〃She　had　some　errands　to　run。　Look；　Jacob；　what　do　you　want？〃　
Something　about　the　room　seemed　to　make　him　edgier—his　long　arms　were　
quivering。　He　didn't　answer　
my　question。　Instead　he　moved　on　to　the　kitchen；　his　restless　eyes　darting　
everywhere。　
I　followed　him。　He　paced　back　and　forth　along　the　short　counter。　
〃Hey；〃　I　said；　putting　myself　in　his　way。　He　stopped　pacing　and　stared　down　at　
me。　〃What's　your　
problem？〃　
〃I　don't　like　having　to　be　here。〃　
That　stung。　I　winced；　and　his　eyes　tightened。　
〃Then　I'm　sorry　you　had　to　e；〃　I　muttered。　〃Why　don't　you　tell　me　what　you　
need　so　you　can　leave？〃　
〃I　just　have　to　ask　you　a　couple　of　questions。　It　shouldn't　take　long。　We　have　
to　get　back　for　the　funeral。〃　
〃Okay。　Get　it　over　with　then。〃　I　was　probably　overdoing　it　with　the　
antagonism；　but　I　didn't　want　him　to　
see　how　much　this　hurt。　I　knew　I　wasn't　being　fair。　After　all；　I'd　picked　the　
bloodsucker　over　him　last　
night。　I'd　hurt　him　first。　
He　took　a　deep　breath；　and　his　trembling　fingers　were　suddenly　still。　His　face　
smoothed　into　a　serene　
mask。　
〃One　of　the　Cullens　is　staying　here　with　you；〃　he　stated。　
〃Yes。　Alice　Cullen。〃　
He　nodded　thoughtfully。　〃How　long　is　she　here　for？〃　
〃As　long　as　she　wants　to　be。〃　The　belligerence　was　still　there　in　my　tone。　
〃It's　an　open　invitation。〃　
〃Do　you　think　you　could　please　explain　to　her　about　the　other　one—
Victoria？〃　
I　paled。　〃I　told　her　about　that。〃　
He　nodded。　〃You　should　know　that　we　can　only　watch　our　own　lands　with　a　Cullen　
here。　You'll　only　be　
safe　in　La　Push。　I　can't　protect　you　here　anymore。〃　
〃Okay；〃　I　said　in　a　small　voice。　
He　looked　away　then；　out　the　back　windows。　He　didn't　continue。　
〃Is　that　all？〃　
He　kept　his　eyes　on　the　glass　as　he　answered。　〃Just　one　more　thing。〃　
I　waited；　but　he　didn't　continue。　〃Yes？〃　I　finally　prompted。　
〃Are　the　rest　of　them　ing　back　now？〃　he　asked　in　a　cool；　quiet　voice。　It　
reminded　me　of　Sam's　
always　calm　manner。　Jacob　was　being　more　like　Sam　I　wondered　why　that　
bothered　me　so　much。　
Now　I　didn't　speak。　He　looked　back　at　my　face　with　probing　eyes。　
〃Well？〃　he　asked。　He　struggled　to　conceal　the　tension　behind　his　serene　
expression。　
〃No。〃　I　said　finally。　Grudgingly。　〃They　aren't　ing　back。〃　
His　expression　didn't　change。　〃Okay。　That's　all。〃　
I　glared　at　him；　annoyance　rekindled。　〃Well；　run　along　now。　Go　tell　Sam　that　
the　scary　monsters　aren't　
ing　to　get　you。〃　
〃Okay；〃　he　repeated；　still　calm。　
That　seemed　to　be　it。　Jacob　walked　swiftly　from　the　kitchen。　I　waited　to　hear　
the　front　door　open；　but　I　
heard　nothing。　I　could　hear　the　clock　over　the　stove　ticking；　and　I　marveled　
again　at　how　quiet　he'd　
bee。　
What　a　disaster。　How　could　I　have　alienated　him　so　pletely　in　such　a　short　
amount　of　time？　
Would　he　forgive　me　when　Alice　was　gone？　What　if　he　didn't？　
I　slumped　against　the　counter　and　buried　my　face　in　my　hands。　How　had　I　made　
such　a　mess　of　
everything？　But　what　could　I　have　done　differently？　Even　in　hindsight；　I　
couldn't　think　of　any　better　way；　
any　perfect　course　of　action。　
〃Bella　？〃　Jacob　asked　in　a　troubled　voice。　
I　pulled　my　face　out　of　my　hands　to　see　Jacob　hesitating　in　the　kitchen　
doorway；　he　hadn't　left　when　I'd　
thought。　It　was　only　when　I　saw　the　clear　drops　sparkling　in　my　hands　that　I　
realized　I　was　crying。　
Jacob's　calm　expression　was　gone；　his　face　was　anxious　and　unsure。　He　walked　
quickly　back　to　stand　in　
front　of　me；　ducking　his　head　so　that　his　eyes　were　closer　to　being　on　the　
same　level　with　mine。　
〃Did　it　again；　didn't　I？〃　
〃Did　what？〃　I　asked；　my　voice　cracking。　
〃Broke　my　promise。　Sorry。〃　
〃'S'okay；〃　I　mumbled。　〃I　started　it　this　time。〃　
His　face　twisted。　〃I　knew　how　you　felt　about　them。　It　shouldn't　have　taken　me　
by　surprise　like　that。〃　
I　could　see　the　revulsion　in　his　eyes。　I　wanted　to　explain　to　him　what　Alice　
was　really　like；　to　defend　her　
against　the　judgments　he'd　made；　but　something　warned　me　that　now　was　not　the　
time。　
So　I　just　said；　〃Sorry；〃　again。　
〃Let's　not　worry　about　it；　okay？　She's　just　visiting；　right？　She'll　leave；　and　
things　will　go　back　to　normal。〃　
〃Can't　I　be　friends　with　you　both　at　the　same　time？〃　I　asked；　my　voice　not　
hiding　an　ounce　of　the　hurt　I　
felt。　
He　shook　his　head　slowly。　〃No；　I　don't　think　you　can。〃　
I　sniffed　and　stared　at　his　big　feet。　〃But　you'll　wait；　right？　You'll　still　be　
my　friend；　even　though　I　love　
Alice；　too？〃　
I　didn't　look　up；　afraid　to　see　what　he'd　think　of　that　last　part。　It　took　him　
a　minute　to　answer；　so　I　was　
probably　right　not　to　look。　
〃Yeah；　I'll　always　be　your　friend；〃　he　said　gruffly。　〃No　matter　what　you　
love。〃　
〃Promise？〃　
〃Promise。〃　
I　felt　his　arms　wind　around　me；　and　I　leaned　against　his　chest；　still　
sniffling。　〃This　sucks。〃　
〃Yeah。〃　Then　he　sniffed　my　hair　and　said；　〃Ew。〃　
〃What？〃　I　demanded。　I　looked　up　to　see　that　his　nose　was　wrinkled　again。　〃Why　
does　everyone　keep　
doing　that　to　me？　I　don't　smell！〃　
He　smiled　a　little。　〃Yes；　you　do—you　smell　like　them。　Blech。　Too　sweet—
sickly　sweet。　And　icy。　It　
burns　my　nose。〃　
〃Really？〃　That　was　strange。　Alice　smelled　unbelievably　wonderful。　To　a　human；　
anyway。　〃But　why　would　
Alice　think　I　smelled；　too；　then？〃　
That　wiped　his　smile　away。　〃Huh。　Maybe　I　don't　smell　so　good　to　her；　either。　
Huh。〃　
〃Well；　you　both　smell　fine　to　me。〃　I　rested　my　head　against　him　again。　I　was　
going　to　miss　him　terribly　
when　he　walked　out　my　door。　It　was　a　nasty　catch…22—on　the　one　hand；　I　wanted　
Alice　to　stay　forever。　
I　was　going　to　die—metaphorically—when　she　left　me。　But　how　was　I　supposed　
to　go　without　seeing　
Jake　for　any　length　of　time？　What　a　mess；　I　thought　again。　
〃I'll　miss　you；〃　Jacob　whispered；　echoing　my　thoughts。　〃Every　minute。　I　hope　
she　leaves　soon。〃　
〃It　really　doesn't　have　to　be　that　way；　Jake。〃　
He　sighed。　〃Yes；　it　really　does。　Bella。　You　love　her。　So　I'd　better　not　get　
anywhere　near　her。　I'm　not　
sure　that　I'm　even…tempered　enough　to　handle　that。　Sam　would　be　mad　if　I　broke　
the　treaty；　and〃—his　
voice　turned　sarcastic—〃you　probably　wouldn't　like　it　too　much　if　I　killed　
your　friend。〃　
I　recoiled　from　him　when　he　said　that；　but　he　only　tightened　his　arms；　
refusing　to　let　me　escape。　〃There's　
no　point　in　avoiding　the　truth。　That's　the　way　things　are；　Bells。〃　
〃I　do　not　like　the　way　things　are。〃　
Jacob　freed　one　arm　so　that　he　could　cup　his　big　brown　hand　under　my　chin　and　
make　me　look　at　him。　
〃Yeah。　It　was　easier　when　we　were　both　human；　wasn't　it？〃　
I　sighed。　
We　stared　at　each　other　for　a　long　moment。　His　hand　smoldered　against　my　skin。　
In　my　face；　I　knew　
there　was　nothing　but　wistful　sadness—I　didn't　want　to　have　to　say　goodbye　
now；　no　matter　for　how　
short　a　time。　At　first　his　face　reflected　mine；　but　then；　as　neither　of　us　
looked　away；　his　expression　
changed。　
He　released　me；　lifting　his　other　hand　to　brush　his　fingertips　along　my　cheek；　
trailing　them　down　to　my　
jaw。　I　could　feel　his　fingers　tremble—not　with　anger　this　time。　He　pressed　
his　palm　against　my　cheek；　so　
that　my　face　was　trapped　between　his　burning　hands。　
〃Bella；〃　he　whispered。　
I　was　frozen。　
No！　I　hadn't　made　this　decision　yet。　I　didn't　know　if　I　could　do　this；　and　now　
I　was　out　of　time　to　think。　
But　I　would　have　been　a　fool　if　I　thought　rejecting　him　now　would　have　no　
consequences。　
I　stared　back　at　him。　He　was　not　my　Jacob；　but　he　could　be。　His　face　was　
familiar　and　beloved。　In　so　
many　real　ways；　I　did　love　him。　He　was　my　fort；　my　safe　harbor。　Right　now；　
I　could　choose　to　have　
him　belong　to　me。　
Alice　was　back　for　the　moment；　but　that　changed　nothing。　True　love　was　forever　
lost。　The　prince　was　
never　ing　back　to　kiss　me　awake　from　my　enchanted　sleep。　I　was　not　a　
princess；　after　all。　So　what　
was　the　fairy…tale　protocol　for　other　kisses？　The　mundane　kind　that　didn't　
break　any　spells？　
Maybe　it　would　be　easy—like　holding　his　hand　or　having　his　arms　around　me。　
Maybe　it　would　feel　nice。　
Maybe　it　wouldn't　feel　like　a　betrayal。　Besides