new moon(暮光之城-新月英文版)-第50部分

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I　stepped　back　out；　and　shut　the　door　quietly　behind　me。　
Billy　stared　with　curious；　guarded　eyes　as　I　walked　slowly　back　into　the　front　
room。　
〃I　think　I'll　let　him　get　some　rest。〃　
Billy　nodded；　and　then　we　gazed　at　each　other　for　a　minute。　I　was　dying　to　ask　
him　about　his　part　in　this。　
What　did　he　think　of　what　his　son　had　bee？　But　I　knew　how　he'd　supported　
Sam　from　the　very　
beginning；　and　so　I　supposed　the　murders　must　not　bother　him。　How　he　justified　
that　to　himself　I　couldn't　
imagine。　
I　could　see　many　questions　for　me　in　his　dark　eyes；　but　he　didn't　voice　them　
either。　
〃Look；〃　I　said；　breaking　the　loud　silence。　〃I'll　be　down　at　the　beach　for　a　
while。　When　he　wakes　up；　tell　
him　I'm　waiting　for　him；　okay？〃　
〃Sure；　sure；〃　Billy　agreed。　
I　wondered　if　he　really　would。　Well；　if　he　didn't；　I'd　tried；　right？　
I　drove　down　to　First　Beach　and　parked　in　the　empty　dirt　lot。　It　was　still　
dark—the　gloomy　predawn　of　a　
cloudy　day—and　when　I　cut　the　headlights　it　was　hard　to　see。　I　had　to　let　my　
eyes　adjust　before　I　could　
find　the　path　that　led　through　the　tall　hedge　of　weeds。　It　was　colder　here；　
with　the　wind　whipping　off　the　
black　water；　and　I　shoved　my　hands　deep　into　the　pockets　of　my　winter　jacket。　
At　least　the　rain　had　
stopped。　
I　paced　down　the　beach　toward　the　north　seawall。　I　couldn't　see　St。　James　or　
the　other　islands；　just　the　
vague　shape　of　the　water's　edge。　I　picked　my　way　carefully　across　the　rocks；　
watching　out　for　driftwood　
that　might　trip　me。　
I　found　what　I　was　looking　for　before　I　realized　I　was　looking　for　it。　It　
materialized　out　of　the　gloom　when　
it　was　just　a　few　feet　away：　a　long　bone…white　driftwood　tree　stranded　deep　on　
the　rocks。　The　roots　
twisted　up　at　the　seaward　end；　like　a　hundred　brittle　tentacles。　I　couldn't　be　
sure　that　it　was　the　same　tree　
where　Jacob　and　I　had　had　our　first　conversation—a　conversation　that　had　
begun　so　many　different；　
tangled　threads　of　my　life—but　it　seemed　to　be　in　about　the　same　place　I　sat　
down　where　I'd　sat　before；　
and　stared　out　across　the　invisible　sea。　
Seeing　Jacob　like　that—innocent　and　vulnerable　in　sleep—had　stolen　all　my　
revulsion；　dissolved　all　my　
anger。　I　still　couldn't　turn　a　blind　sye　to　what　was　happening；　like　Billy　
seemed　to；　but　I　couldn't　condemn　
Jacob　for　it　either。　Love　didn't　work　that　way；　I　decided。　Once　you　cared　
about　a　person；　it　was　
impossible　to　be　logical　about　them　anymore。　Jacob　was　my　friend　whether　he　
killed　people　or　not。　And　
I　didn't　know　what　I　was　going　to　do　about　that。　
When　I　pictured　him　sleeping　so　peacefully；　I　felt　an　overpowering　urge　to　
protect　him。　pletely　
illogical。　
Illogical　or　not；　I　brooded　over　the　memory　his　peaceful　face；　trying　to　e　
up　with　some　answer；　some　
way　to　shelter　him；　while　the　sky　slowly　turned　gray。　
〃Hi；Bella。〃　
Jacob's　voice　came　from　the　darkness　and　made　me　jump。　It　was　soft；　almost　
shy；　but　I'd　been　expecting　
some　forewarning　from　the　noisy　rocks；　and　so　it　still　startled　me。　I　could　
see　his　silhouette　against　the　
ing　sunrise—it　looked　enormous。　
〃Jake？〃　
He　stood　several　paces　away；　shifting　his　weight　from　foot　to　foot　anxiously。　
〃Billy　told　me　you　came　by—didn't　take　you　very　long；　did　it？　I　knew　you　
could　figure　it　out。〃　
〃Yeah；　I　remember　the　right　story　now；〃　I　whispered。　
It　was　quiet　for　a　long　moment　and；　though　it　was　still　too　dark　to　see　well；　
my　skin　prickled　as　if　his　eyes　
were　searching　my　face。　There　must　have　been　enough　light　for　him　to　read　my　
expression；　because　
when　he　spoke　again；　his　voice　was　suddenly　acidic。　
〃You　could　have　just　called；〃　he　said　harshly。　
I　nodded。　〃I　know。〃　
Jacob　started　pacing　along　the　rocks。　If　I　listened　very　hard；　I　could　just　
hear　the　gentle　brush　of　his　feet　
on　the　rocks　behind　the　sound　of　the　waves。　The　rocks　had　clattered　like　
castanets　for　me。　
〃Why　did　you　e？〃　he　demanded；　not　halting　his　angry　stride。　
〃I　thought　it　would　be　better　face…to…face。〃　
He　snorted。　〃Oh；　much　better。〃　
〃Jacob；　I　have　to　warn　you—〃　
〃About　the　rangers　and　the　hunters？　Don't　worry　about　it。　We　already　know。〃　
〃Don't　worry　about　it？〃　I　demanded　in　disbelief。　〃Jake；　they've　got　guns！　
They're　setting　traps　and　
offering　rewards　and—〃　
〃We　can　take　care　of　ourselves；〃　he　growled；　still　pacing。　〃They're　not　going　
to　catch　anything。　They're　
only　making　it　more　difficult—they'll　start　disappearing　soon　enough；　too。〃　
〃Jake！〃　I　hissed。　
〃What？　It's　just　a　fact。〃　
My　voice　was　pale　with　revulsion。　〃How　can　you　feel　that　way？　You　know　these　
people。　Charlie's　out　
there！〃　The　thought　made　my　stomach　twist。　
He　came　to　an　abrupt　stop。　〃What　more　can　we　do？〃　he　retorted。　
The　sun　turned　the　clouds　a　slivery　pink　above　us。　I　could　see　his　expression　
now；　it　was　angry；　
frustrated；　betrayed。　
〃Could　you　well；　try　to　not　be　a　werewolf？〃　I　suggested　in　a　whisper。　
He　threw　his　hands　up　in　the　air。　〃Like　I　have　a　choice　about　it！〃　he　shouted。　
〃And　how　would　that　help　
anything；　if　you're　worried　about　people　disappearing？〃　
〃I　don't　understand　you。〃　
He　glared　at　me；　his　eyes　narrowing　and　his　mouth　twisting　into　a　snarl。　〃You　
know　what　makes　me　so　
mad　I　could　just　spit？〃　
I　flinched　away　from　his　hostile　expression。　He　seemed　to　be　waiting　for　an　
answer；　so　I　shook　my　head。　
〃You're　such　a　hypocrite；　Bella—there　you　sit；　terrified　of　me！　How　is　that　
fair？〃　His　hands　shook　with　
anger。　
〃Hypocrite？　How　does　being　afraid　of　a　monster　make　me　a　hypocrite？〃　
〃Ugh！〃　he　groaned；　pressing　his　trembling　fists　to　his　temples　and　squeezing　
his　eyes　shut。　〃Would　you　
listen　to　yourself？〃　
〃What？〃　
He　took　two　steps　toward　me；　leaning　over　me　and　glaring　with　fury。　〃Well；　I'm　
so　sorry　that　I　can't　be　
the　right　kind　of　monster　for　you；　Bella。　I　guess　I'm　just　not　as　great　as　a　
bloodsucker；　am　I？〃　
I　jumped　to　my　feet　and　glared　back。　〃No；　you're　not！〃　I　shouted。　〃It's　not　
what　you　are；　stupid；　it's　what　
you　do！〃　
〃What's　that　supposed　to　mean？〃　He　roared；　his　entire　frame　quivering　with　
rage。　
I　was　taken　entirely　by　surprise　when　Edward's　voice　cautioned　me。　〃Be　very　
careful；　Bella；〃　his　velvet　
voice　warned。　〃Don't　push　him　too　far。　You　need　to　calm　him　down。〃　
Even　the　voice　in　my　head　was　making　no　sense　today。　
I　listened　to　him；　though。　I　would　do　anything　for　that　voice。　
〃Jacob；〃　I　pleaded；　making　my　tone　soft　and　even。　〃Is　it　really　necessary　to　
kill　people；　Jacob？　Isn't　there　
some　other　way？　I　mean；　if　vampires　can　find　a　way　to　survive　without　
murdering　people；　couldn't　you　
give　it　a　try；　too？〃　
He　straightened　up　with　a　jerk；　like　my　words　had　sent　an　electric　shock　
through　him。　His　eyebrows　shot　
up　and　his　eyes　stared　wide。　
〃Killing　people？〃　he　demanded。　
〃What　did　you　think　we　were　talking　about？〃　
He　wasn't　trembling　anymore。　He　looked　at　me　with　half…hopeful　disbelief。　〃I　
thought　we　were　talking　
about　your　disgust　for　werewolves。〃　
〃No；　Jake；　no。　It's　not　that　you're　a　wolf。　That's　fine；〃　I　promised　him；　
and　I　knew　as　I　said　the　words　
that　I　meant　them。　I　really　didn't　care　if　he　turned　into　a　big　wolf—he　was　
still　Jacob。　〃If　you　could　just　
find　a　way　not　to　hurt　people　that's　all　that　upsets　me。　These　ate　innocent　
people；　Jake；　people　like　
Charlie；　and　I　can't　just　look　the　other　way　while　you—〃　
〃Is　that　all？　Really？〃　he　interrupted　me；　a　smile　breaking　across　his　face。　
〃You're　just　scared　because　I'm　
a　murderer？　That's　the　only　reason？〃　
〃Isn't　that　reason　enough？〃　
He　started　to　laugh。　
〃Jacob　Black；　this　is　so　notfunny！〃　
〃Sure；　sure；〃　he　agreed；　still　chortling。　
He　took　one　long　stride　and　caught　me　in　another　vice…tight　bear　hug。　
〃You　really；　honestly　don't　mind　that　I　morph　into　a　giant　dog？〃　he　asked；　his　
voice　joyful　in　my　ear。　
〃No；〃　I　gasped。　〃Can't—breathe—Jake！〃　
He　let　me　go；　but　took　both　my　hands。　〃I'm　not　a　killer；　Bella。〃　
I　studied　his　face；　and　it　was　clear　that　this　was　the　truth。　Relief　pulsed　
through　me。　
〃Really？〃　I　asked。　
〃Really；〃　he　promised　solemnly。　
I　threw　my　arms　around　him。　It　reminded　me　of　that　first　day　with　the　
motorcycles—he　was　bigger；　
though；　and　I　felt　even　more　like　a　child　no