new moon(暮光之城-新月英文版)-第35部分

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someone　with　a　stronger　stomach。　Someone　who　laughs　at　the　gore　that　makes　
weaker　men　vomit。〃　
〃I'll　keep　my　eyes　open　for　someone　like　that。〃　
We　were　all　alone　in　the　hallway。　Both　theaters　were　halfway　through　the　
movie；　and　it　was　
deserted—quiet　enough　for　us　to　hear　the　popcorn　popping　at　the　concession　
counter　in　the　lobby。　
Jacob　went　to　sit　on　the　velveteen…upholstered　bench　against　the　wall；　patting　
the　space　beside　him。　
〃He　sounded　like　he　was　going　to　be　in　there　for　a　while；〃　he　said；　stretching　
his　long　legs　out　in　front　of　
him　as　he　settled　in　to　wait。　
I　joined　him　with　a　sigh。　He　looked　like　he　was　thinking　about　blurring　more　
lines。　Sure　enough；　as　soon　
as　I　sat　down；　he　shifted　over　to　put　his　arm　around　my　shoulders。　
〃Jake；〃　I　protested；　leaning　away。　He　dropped　his　arm；　not　looking　bothered　at　
all　by　the　minor　rejection。　
He　reached　out　and　took　my　hand　firmly；　wrapping　his　other　hand　around　my　
wrist　when　I　tried　to　pull　
away　again。　Where　did　he　get　the　confidence　from？　
〃Now；　just　hold　on　a　minute；　Bella；〃　he　said　in　a　calm　voice。　〃Tell　me　
something。〃　
I　grimaced。　I　didn't　want　to　do　this。　Not　just　not　now；　but　not　ever。　There　
was　nothing　lett　in　my　life　at　
this　point　that　was　more　important　than　Jacob　Black。　But　he　seemed　determined　
to　ruin　everything。　
〃What？〃　I　muttered　sourly。　
〃You　like　me；　right？〃　
〃You　know　I　do。〃　
〃Better　than　that　joker　puking　his　guts　out　in　there？〃　He　gestured　toward　the　
bathroom　door。　
〃Yes；〃　I　sighed。　
〃Better　than　any　of　the　other　guys　you　know？〃　He　was　calm；　serene—as　if　my　
answer　didn't　matter；　or　
he　already　knew　what　it　was。　
〃Better　than　the　girls；　too；〃　I　pointed　out。　
〃But　that's　all；〃　he　said；　and　it　wasn't　a　question。　
It　was　hard　to　answer；　to　say　the　word。　Would　he　get　hurt　and　avoid　me？　How　
would　I　stand　that？　
〃Yes；〃　I　whispered。　
He　grinned　down　at　me。　〃That's　okay；　you　know。　As　long　as　you　like　me　the　
best。　And　you　think　I'm　
good…looking—sort　of。　I'm　prepared　to　be　annoyingly　persistent。〃　
〃I'm　not　going　to　change；〃　I　said；　and　though　I　tried　to　keep　my　voice　normal；　
I　could　hear　the　sadness　in　
it。　
His　face　was　thoughtful；　no　longer　teasing。　〃It's　still　the　other　one；　isn't　
it？〃　
I　cringed。　Funny　how　he　seemed　to　know　not　to　say　the　name—just　like　before　
in　the　car　with　the　music。　
He　picked　up　on　so　much　about　me　that　I　never　said。　
〃You　don't　have　to　talk　about　it；〃　he　told　me。　
I　nodded；　grateful。　
〃But　don't　get　mad　at　me　for　hanging　around；　okay？〃　Jacob　patted　the　back　of　
my　hand。　〃Because　I'm　
not　giving　up。　I've　got　loads　of　time。〃　
I　sighed。　〃You　shouldn't　waste　it　on　me；〃　I　said；　though　I　wanted　him　to。　
Especially　if　he　was　willing　to　
accept　me　the　way　I　was—damaged　goods；　as　is。　
〃It's　what　I　want　to　do；　as　long　as　you　still　like　to　be　with　me。〃　
〃I　can't　imagine　how　I　could　not　like　being　with　you；〃　I　told　him　honestly。　
Jacob　beamed。　〃I　can　live　with　that。〃　
〃Just　don't　expect　more；〃　I　warned　him；　trying　to　pull　my　hand　away。　He　held　
onto　it　obstinately。　
〃This　doesn't　really　bother　you；　does　it？〃　he　demanded；　squeezing　my　fingers。　
〃No；〃　I　sighed。　Truthfully；　it　felt　nice。　His　hand　was　so　much　warmer　than　
mine；　I　always　felt　too　cold　
these　days。　
〃And　you　don't　care　what　he　thinks。〃　Jacob　jerked　his　thumb　toward　the　
bathroom。　
〃I　guess　not。〃　
〃So　what's　the　problem？〃　
〃The　problem；〃　I　said；　〃is；　that　it　means　something　different　to　me　than　it　
does　to　you。〃　
〃Well。〃　He　tightened　his　hand　around　mine　〃That's　my　problem；　isn't　it？〃　
〃Fine；〃　I　grumbled。　〃Don't　forget　it；　though。〃　
〃I　won't。　The　pin's　out　of　the　grenade　for　me；　now；　eh？〃　He　poked　me　in　the　
ribs。　
I　rolled　my　eyes。　I　guess　if　he　felt　like　making　a　joke　out　of　it；　he　was　
entitled。　
He　chuckled　quietly　for　a　minute　while　his　pinky　finger　absently　traced　
designs　against　the　side　of　my　
hand。　
〃That's　a　funny　scar　you've　got　there；〃　he　suddenly　said；　twisting　my　hand　to　
examine　it。　〃How　did　that　
happen？〃　
The　index　finger　of　his　free　hand　followed　the　line　of　the　long　silvery　
crescent　that　was　barely　visible　
against　my　pale　skin。　
I　scowled。　〃Do　you　honestly　expect　me　to　remember　where　all　my　scars　e　
from？〃　
I　waited　for　the　memory　to　hit—to　open　the　gaping　hole。　But；　as　it　so　often　
did；　Jacob's　presence　kept　
me　whole。　
〃It's　cold；〃　he　murmured；　pressing　lightly　against　the　place　where　James　had　
cut　me　with　his　teeth。　
And　then　Mike　stumbled　out　of　the　bathroom；　his　face　ashen　and　covered　in　
sweat。　He　looked　horrible。　
〃Oh；　Mike；〃　I　gasped。　
〃Do　you　mind　leaving　early？〃　he　whispered。　
〃No；　of　course　not。〃　I　pulled　my　hand　free　and　went　to　help　Mike　walk。　He　
looked　unsteady。　
〃Movie　too　much　for　you？〃　Jacob　asked　heartlessly。　
Mike's　glare　was　malevolent。　〃I　didn't　actually　see　any　of　it；〃　he　mumbled。　〃I　
was　nauseated　before　the　
lights　went　down。〃　
〃Why　didn't　you　say　something？〃　I　scolded　as　we　staggered　toward　the　exit。　
〃I　was　hoping　it　would　pass；〃　he　said。　
〃Just　a　sec；〃　Jacob　said　as　we　reached　the　door。　He　walked　quickly　back　to　the　
concession　stand。　
〃Could　I　have　an　empty　popcorn　bucket？〃　he　asked　the　salesgirl。　She　looked　at　
Mike　once；　and　then　
thrust　a　bucket　at　Jacob。　
〃Get　him　outside；　please；〃　she　begged。　She　was　obviously　the　one　who　would　
have　to　clean　the　floor。　
I　towed　Mike　out　into　the　cool；　wet　air。　He　inhaled　deeply。　Jacob　was　right　
behind　us。　He　helped　me　get　
Mike　into　the　back　of　the　car；　and　handed　him　the　bucket　with　a　serious　gaze。　
〃Please；〃　was　all　Jacob　said。　
We　rolled　down　the　windows；　letting　the　icy　night　air　blow　through　the　car；　
hoping　it　would　help　Mike。　I　
curled　my　arms　around　my　legs　to　keep　warm。　
〃Cold；　again？〃　Jacob　asked；　putting　his　arm　around　me　before　I　could　answer。　
〃You're　not？〃　
He　shook　his　head。　
〃You　must　have　a　fever　or　something；〃　I　grumbled。　It　was　freezing。　I　touched　
my　fingers　to　his　forehead；　
and　his　head　was　hot。　
〃Whoa；　Jake—you're　burning　up！〃　
〃I　feel　fine。〃　He　shrugged。　〃Fit　as　a　fiddle。〃　
I　frowned　and　touched　his　head　again。　His　skin　blazed　under　my　fingers。　
〃Your　hands　are　like　ice；〃　he　plained。　
〃Maybe　it's　me；〃　I　allowed。　
Mike　groaned　in　the　backseat；　and　threw　up　in　the　bucket。　I　grimaced；　hoping　
my　own　stomach　could　
stand　the　sound　and　smell。　Jacob　checked　anxiously　over　his　shoulder　to　make　
sure　his　car　wasn't　
defiled。　
The　road　felt　longer　on　the　way　back。　
Jacob　was　quiet；　thoughtful。　He　left　his　arm　around　me；　and　it　was　so　warm　
that　the　cold　wind　felt　good。　
I　stared　out　the　windshield；　consumed　with　guilt。　
It　was　so　wrong　to　encourage　Jacob。　Pure　selfishness。　It　didn't　matter　that　
I'd　tried　to　make　my　position　
clear。　If　he　felt　any　hope　at　all　that　this　could　turn　into　something　other　
than　friendship；　then　I　hadn't　been　
clear　enough。　
How　could　I　explain　so　that　he　would　understand？　I　was　an　empty　shell。　Like　a　
vacant　
house—condemned—for　months　I'd　been　utterly　uninhabitable。　Now　I　was　a　
little　improved。　The　front　
room　was　in　better　repair。　But　that　was　all—just　the　one　small　piece。　He　
deserved　better　than　
that—better　than　a　one…room；　falling…down　fixer…upper。　No　amount　of　
investment　on　his　part　could　put　
me　back　in　working　order。　
Yet　I　knew　that　I　wouldn't　send　him　away；　regardless。　I　needed　him　too　much；　
and　I　was　selfish。　Maybe　
I　could　make　my　side　more　clear；　so　that　he　would　know　to　leave　me。　The　
thought　made　me　shudder；　
and　Jacob　tightened　his　arm　around　me。　
I　drove　Mike　home　in　his　Suburban；　while　Jacob　followed　behind　us　to　take　me　
home。　Jacob　was　quiet　
all　the　way　back　to　my　house；　and　I　wondered　if　he　were　thinking　the　same　
things　that　I　was。　Maybe　he　
was　changing　his　mind。　
〃I　would　invite　myself　in；　since　we're　early；〃　he　said　as　we　pulled　up　next　to　
my　truck。　〃But　I　think　you　
might　be　right　about　the　fever。　I'm　starting　to　feel　a　little　strange。〃　
〃Oh　no；　not　you；　too！　Do　you　want　me　to　drive　you　home？〃　
〃No。〃　He　shook　his　head；　his　eyebrows　pulling　together。　〃I　don't　feel　sick　
yet。　Just　wrong。　If　I　have　to；　
I'll　pull　over。〃　
〃Will　you　call　me　as　soon　as　you　get　in？〃　I　asked　anxiously。　
〃Sure；　sure。〃　He　frowned；　staring　ahead　into　the　da