new moon(暮光之城-新月英文版)-第32部分

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horrified　by　the　nothingness；　as　always；　but　I　was　also　strangely　impatient　as　
I　waited　for　the　moment　that　
would　send　me　screaming　into　consciousness。　I　knew　the　nightmare　had　to　end。　
The　next　Wednesday；　before　I　could　get　home　from　the　ER；　Dr。　Gerandy　called　to　
warn　my　father　that　I　
might　possibly　have　a　concussion　and　advised　him　to　wake　me　up　every　two　hours　
through　the　night　to　
make　sure　it　wasn't　serious。　Charlie's　eyes　narrowed　suspiciously　at　my　weak　
explanation　about　tripping　
again。　
〃Maybe　you　should　just　stay　out　of　the　garage　altogether；　Bella；〃　he　suggested　
that　night　during　dinner。　
I　panicked；　worried　that　Charlie　was　about　to　lay　down　some　kind　of　edict　that　
would　prohibit　La　Push；　
and　consequently　my　motorcycle。　And　I　wasn't　giving　it　up—I'd　had　the　most　
amazing　hallucination　
today。　My　velvet…voiced　delusion　had　yelled　at　me　for　almost　five　minutes　
before　I'd　hit　the　brake　too　
abruptly　and　launched　myself　into　the　tree。　I'd　take　whatever　pain　that　would　
cause　me　tonight　without　
plaint。　
〃This　didn't　happen　in　the　garage；〃　I　protested　quickly。　〃We　were　hiking；　and　
I　tripped　over　a　rock。〃　
〃Since　when　do　you　hike？〃　Charlie　asked　skeptically。　
〃Working　at　Newton's　was　bound　to　rub　off　sometime；〃　I　pointed　out。　〃Spend　
every　day　selling　all　the　
virtues　of　the　outdoors；　eventually　you　get　curious。〃　
Charlie　glared　at　me；　unconvinced。　
〃I'll　be　more　careful；〃　I　promised；　surreptitiously　crossing　my　fingers　under　
the　table。　
〃I　don't　mind　you　hiking　right　there　around　La　Push；　but　keep　close　to　town；　
okay？〃　
〃Why？〃　
〃Well；　we've　been　getting　a　lot　of　wildlife　plaints　lately。　The　forestry　
department　is　going　to　check　into　
it；　but　for　the　time　being〃　
〃Oh；　the　big　bear；〃　I　said　with　sudden　prehension。　〃Yeah；　some　of　the　
hikers　ing　through　
Newton's　have　seen　it。　Do　you　think　there's　really　some　giant　mutated　grizzly　
out　there？〃　
His　forehead　creased。　〃There's　something。　Keep　it　close　to　town；　okay？〃　
〃Sure；　sure；〃　I　said　quickly。　He　didn't　look　pletely　appeased。　
〃Charlie's　getting　nosy；〃　I　plained　to　Jacob　when　I　picked　him　up　after　
school　Friday。　
〃Maybe　we　should　cool　it　with　the　bikes。〃　He　saw　my　objecting　expression　and　
added；　〃At　least　for　a　
week　or　so。　You　could　stay　out　of　the　hospital　for　a　week；　right？〃　
〃What　are　we　going　to　do？〃　I　griped。　
He　smiled　cheerfully。　〃What　ever　you　want。〃　
I　thought　about　that　for　a　minute—about　what　I　wanted。　
I　hated　the　idea　of　losing　even　my　brief　seconds　of　closeness　with　the　
memories　that　didn't　hurt—the　ones　
that　came　on　their　own；　without　me　thinking　of　them　consciously。　If　I　couldn't　
have　the　bikes；　I　was　going　
to　have　to　find　some　other　avenue　to　the　danger　and　the　adrenaline；　and　that　
was　going　to　take　serious　
thought　and　creativity。　Doing　nothing　in　the　meantime　was　not　appealing。　
Suppose　I　got　depressed　again；　
even　with　Jake？　I　had　to　keep　occupied。　
Maybe　there　was　some　other　way；　some　other　recipe　some　other　place。　
The　house　had　been　a　mistake；　certainly。　But　his　presence　must　be　stamped　
somewhere；　somewhere　
other　than　inside　me。　There　had　to　be　a　place　where　he　seemed　more　real　than　
among　all　the　familiar　
landmarks　that　were　crowded　with　other　human　memories。　
I　could　think　of　one　place　where　that　might　hold　true。　One　place　that　would　
always　belong　to　him　and　no　
one　else。　A　magic　place；　full　of　light。　The　beautiful　meadow　I'd　seen　only　
once　in　my　life；　lit　by　sunshine　
and　the　sparkle　of　his　skin。　
This　idea　had　a　huge　potential　for　backfiring—it　might　be　dangerously　
painful。　My　chest　ached　with　
emptiness　even　to　think　of　it。　It　was　hard　to　hold　myself　upright；　to　not　give　
myself　away。　But　surely；　there　
of　all　places；　I　could　hear　his　voice。　And　I'd　already　told　Charlie　I　was　
hiking　
〃What　are　you　thinking　about　so　hard？〃　Jacob　asked。　
〃Well〃　I　began　slowly。　〃I　found　this　place　in　the　forest　once—I　came　across　
it　when　I　was；　um；　hiking。　
A　little　meadow；　the　most　beautiful　place。　I　don't　know　if　I　could　track　it　
down　again　on　my　own。　It　
would　definitely　take　a　few　tries〃　
〃We　could　use　a　pass　and　a　grid　pattern；〃　Jacob　said　with　confident　
helpfulness。　〃Do　you　know　
where　you　started　from？〃　
〃Yes；　just　below　the　trailhead　where　the　one…ten　ends。　I　was　going　mostly　
south；　I　think。〃　
〃Cool。　We'll　find　it。〃　As　always；　Jacob　was　game　for　anything　I　wanted。　No　
matter　how　strange　it　was。　
So；　Saturday　afternoon；　I　tied　on　my　new　hiking　boots—purchased　that　morning　
using　my　
twenty…per…cent…off　employee　discount　for　the　first　time—grabbed　my　new　
topographical　map　of　the　
Olympic　Peninsula；　and　drove　to　La　Push。　
We　didn't　get　started　immediately；　first；　Jacob　sprawled　across　the　living　
room　floor—taking　up　the　
whole　room—and；　for　a　full　twenty　minutes；　drew　a　plicated　web　across　the　
key　section　of　the　map　
while　I　perched　on　a　kitchen　chair　and　talked　to　Billy。　Billy　didn't　seem　at　
all　concerned　about　our　
proposed　hiking　trip。　I　was　surprised　that　Jacob　had　told　him　where　we　were　
going；　given　the　fuss　people　
were　making　about　the　bear　sightings。　I　wanted　to　ask　Billy　not　to　say　
anything　about　this　to　Charlie；　but　I　
was　afraid　that　making　the　request　would　cause　the　opposite　result。　
〃Maybe　we'll　see　the　super　bear；〃　Jacob　joked；　eyes　on　his　design。　
I　glanced　at　Billy　swiftly；　fearing　a　Charlie…style　reaction。　
But　Billy　just　laughed　at　his　son。　〃Maybe　you　should　take　a　jar　of　honey；　just　
in　case。〃　
Jake　chuckled。　〃Hope　your　new　boots　are　fast；　Bella。　One　little　jar　isn't　
going　to　keep　a　hungry　bear　
occupied　for　long。〃　
〃I　only　have　to　be　faster　than　you。〃　
〃Good　luck　with　that！〃　Jacob　said；　rolling　his　eyes　as　he　refolded　the　map。　
〃Let's　go。〃　
〃Have　fun；〃　Billy　rumbled；　wheeling　himself　toward　the　refrigerator。　
Charlie　was　not　a　hard　person　to　live　with；　but　it　looked　to　me　like　Jacob　had　
it　even　easier　than　I　did。　
I　drove　to　the　very　end　of　the　dirt　road；　stopping　near　the　sign　that　marked　
the　beginning　of　the　trailhead。　
It　had　been　a　long　time　since　I'd　been　here；　and　my　stomach　reacted　nervously。　
This　might　be　a　very　bad　
thing。　But　it　would　be　worth　it；　if　I　got　to　hear　him。　
I　got　out　and　looked　at　the　dense　wall　of　green。　
〃I　went　this　way；〃　I　murmured；　pointing　straight　ahead。　
〃Hmm；〃　Jake　muttered。　
〃What？〃　
He　looked　at　the　direction　I'd　pointed；　then　at　the　clearly　marked　trail；　and　
back。　
〃I　would　have　figured　you　for　a　trail　kind　of　girl。〃　
〃Not　me。〃　I　smiled　bleakly。　〃I'm　a　rebel。〃　
He　laughed；　and　then　pulled　out　our　map。　
〃Give　me　a　second。〃　He　held　the　pass　in　a　skilled　way；　twisting　the　map　
around　till　it　angled　the　way　
he　wanted。　
〃Okay—first　line　on　the　grid。　Let's　do　it。〃　
I　could　tell　that　I　was　slowing　Jacob　up；　but　he　didn't　plain。　I　tried　not　
to　dwell　on　my　last　trip　through　
this　part　of　the　forest；　with　a　very　different　panion。　Normal　memories　were　
still　cangerous。　If　I　let　
myself　slip　up；　I'd　end　up　with　my　arms　clutching　my　chest　to　hold　it　
together；　gasping　for　air；　and　how　
would　I　explain　that　to　Jacob？　
It　wasn't　as　hard　as　I　would　have　thought　to　keep　focused　on　the　present。　The　
forest　looked　a　lot　like　any　
other　part　of　the　peninsula；　and　Jacob　set　a　vastly　different　mood。　
He　whistled　cheerfully；　an　unfamiliar　tune；　swinging　his　arms　and　moving　
easily　through　the　rough　
undergrowth。　The　shadows　didn't　seem　as　dark　as　usual。　Not　with　my　personal　
sun　along。　
Jacob　checked　the　pass　every　few　minutes；　keeping　us　in　a　straight　line　
with　one　of　the　radiating　
spokes　of　his　grid。　He　really　looked　like　he　knew　what　he　was　doing。　I　was　
going　to　pliment　him；　but　
I　caught　myself。　No　doubt　he'd　add　another　few　years　to　his　inflated　age。　
My　mind　wandered　as　I　walked；　and　I　grew　curious。　I　hadn't　forgotten　the　
conversation　we'd　had　by　the　
sea　cliffs—I'd　been　waiting　for　him　to　bring　it　up　again；　but　it　didn't　look　
like　that　was　going　to　happen。　
〃Hey　Jake？〃　I　asked　hesitantly。　
〃Yeah？〃　
〃How　are　things　with　Embry？　Is　he　back　to　normal　yet？〃　
Jacob　was　silent　for　a　minute；　still　moving　forward　with　long　paces。　When　he　
was　about　ten　feet　ahead；　
he　stopped　to　wait　for　me。　
〃No。　He's　not　back　t