gossip girl 11 英文-第44部分

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Next　stop：　total　humiliation。　

His　father　took　a　slow；　deliberate　sip　of　scotch；　and　Nate　could　hear　the　frosty　sound　of　ice　cubes　
rattling　against　the　crystal。　He　fingered　the　stubbed…out　joint　that　remained　in　his　pocket；　wishing　
he　could　pull　it　out　and　light　up　right　there。　He？d　promised　Blair　that　he　wasn？t　going　to　smoke　so　
much　anymore？she　didn？t　think　it　was　mature；　or　collegiate；　or　whatever？but　this　was　an　
emergency。　He　had　to　calm　down。　Then　maybe　he　could　think。

　Ornot　think。　

His　father　swallowed　and　set　his　tumbler　down　on　the　armrest　of　his　chair。　？And　there？s　
something　else。？　Something　else？　What　other　torture　could　his　father　possibly　inflict　on　him？　
What　could　be　worse　than　not　graduating　with　the　rest　of　his　friends？　Military　school？　Reform　
school？Prison？　

Nope；　repeating　senior　year　would　be　far　more　humiliating　and　way　less　exciting。　

The　Captain？s　face　was　so　somber　that　Nate　had　to　lower　his　eyes　to　his　father？s　nautical…striped　
dress　shirt　in　order　to　keep　from　pletely　panicking。　Once　a　year　his　mother　ordered　a　plete　
custom…made　wardrobe　from　one　of　the　exclusive　men？s　boutiques　on　Jermyn　Street　in　
London？new　suits；　ties；　and　dress　shirts？all　fitted　to　the　Captain？s　proportions。　

？I　want　you　to　meet　my　friend；　Captain　Chips　White；？　his　father　continued。　？I　obviously　haven？t　
gotten　through　to　you；　but　if　anyone　can；　it？s　my　old　navy　mentor。？　Nate　slunk　down　further　in　his　
chair。　Not　only　did　he　have　to　get　chewed　out　by　his　father；　but　this　scary　Captain　Chips　guy　his　
dad　was　always　going　on　about　would　be　in　on　his　demise　too？　Chips　would　probably　use　some　
archaic　navy　torture　technique　to　teach　him　a　lesson？hold　him　underwater　until　he　nearly　drowned；　
or　take　him　sailing；　cut　off　his　nuts；　and　then　throw　him　overboard　to　swim　back　to　Manhattan　
through　the　polluted　Hudson。　Nate　would　probably　grow　an　extra　arm　or　a　tumor　on　his　back；　and　
he？d　go　from　being　happy…go…lucky；　easygoing　Archibald　to　a　hunchbacked；　three…armed；　


no…balled　freak。　Blair　would　be　all　over　him　then。　

Captain　Archibald　raised　his　glass　with　a　smug　smirk；　and　Nate　felt　his　chin　begin　to　quiver　as　he　
gripped　the　roach　in　his　pocket。　

Prison？s　not　looking　so　bad　now；　is　it？　

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ABC　Amber　LIT　Converter　v2。02　
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Disclaimer：　All　the　real　names　of　places；　people；　and　events　have　been　altered　or　abbreviated　to　
protect　the　innocent。　Namely；　me。　

　hey　people！　

The　days　until　we　leave　for　college　are　tick；　tick；　ticking　away；　and　our　mailboxes　are　piling　up　
with　college　orientation　packets。　You　might　be　tempted　to　actually　read　those　flashy　booklets　sent　
by　your　school　in　their　collegiate　colors；　but　really？get…to…know…you　camping　trips？　
Meet…and…greet　on…campus　sessions？　Let　me　tell　you；　there？s　no　better　way　to　be　labeled　a　dork　
than　to　fall　for　that　one。　Do　you　really　want　to　get　introduced　to　that　lax　hottie　down　the　hall　with　
leaves　in　your　hair　and　bear　poo　smeared　all　over　your　
never…before…worn…and…never…to…be…worn…again　North　Face　hiking　boots？　Honestly。　Trust　falls　are　
for　losers　without　trust　funds。　You？ve　just　got　to　trust　me　on　this　one！　

So　here？s　my　question；　people：　why　can？t　the　deans　figure　out　a　way　to　make　college　orientation　
not　a　repeat　of　fifth…grade　summer　camp？　As　usual；　it？s　up　to　me　to　show　those　stuffy　academic　
types　the　way。　

suggestions　for　making　college　orientation　fun　instead　of　unbearably　loserish　

（1）　Bonding　activities。Ban　all　camping　trips；　sightseeing　tours；　or　campus　scavenger　
hunts。Nobody　wants　to　be　dragged　around　a　muddy　forest；　sit　in　a　stale…smelling　tour　bus　all　day；　
or　check　retardedly　obscure　objects　off　a　list　as　part　of　a　？bonding　experience。？　If　there？s　one　
thing　we　know　how　to　do；　it？s　bond。　Just　lead　us　to　an　open　bar　and　leave　us　to　our　own　devices。　
（2）　Age　limits。Any　freshmen　wele　event　that　involves　adults？read：　deans；　RAs；　and　other　
people　who　will　soon　be　responsible　for　getting　us　in　trouble？is　a　total　killjoy。　IDs　should　be　
checked　at　the　door；　and　anyoneover　the　age　of　twenty…one　should　not　be　wele！　
（3）　No　more　nametags。They　ruin　every　well…planned　outfit　and　practicallyinvite　skeezy　losers　to　
stare　at　your　chest。　If　you？re　cute；　I？ll　tell　you　my　name　before　you　even　ask。　
While　the　college　deans　may　not　know　how　to　throw　a　wele　party；　Manhattan　girls　sure　


know　how　to　throwgoodbye　parties。　I？m　so　tired　from　last　night？s　festivities　that　if　I　don？t　eat　my　
morning　H&H　bagel　（toasted；　please；　with　extra　butter）　soon；　I　may　just　pass　out　on　my　keyboard。　
Too　many　vodka　gimlets；　too　many　floral…patterned　silk　wrap　dresses　from　Biba　and　Diane　von　
Furstenberg；　and　too　many　cute　boys　wearing　yummy；　sherbet…colored　polo　shirts。　If　there　really　
can　be　too　many。　But　the　soiree　all　over　the　gossip　airwaves　is　a　goodbye　blowout　planned　at　the　
Met　next　week。　What　better　place　to　saybon　voyage　than　at　one　of　Manhattan？s　most　timeless　and　
exclusive　venues？　One　thing？s　for　sure：　when　that　night　finally　rolls　around；　we？ll　all　be　looking　
like　works　of　art。　

　your　e…mail　

　A：Dear　GG；　

I　was　walking　past　the　boat　pond　in　Central　Park　on　Friday　night　when　I　sawN　sitting　on　a　bench　
smoking　a　doobie；alone　；　looking　all　worried　about　something。　Does　this　mean　that　he　andB　could　
be　over？

　？Giddily　Hopeful　

　A：Dear　GH；　

The　yumminess　ofN　is　totally　undeniable；　but　unfortunately　for　all　of　us；　I　don？t　see　him　
breaking　free　fromB　？s　siren　song　anytime　soon。　Look　on　the　bright　side？the　city　is　positively　
crawling　with　sweaty；　practically　half…naked　boys　in　need　of　a　nice　cool　soak　down。　Remember；　
friends　don？t　let　friends　shower　alone；　especially　during　a　heat　wave。　Conserve　water？it？s　all　
about　the　environment；　people。　So　break　out　the　Bliss　lemon…and…sage　body　wash　and　lather　up。　

　？GG　

　Q：Dear　GG；　

My　boyfriend　is　leaving　for　college　soon；　and　I？m　heartbroken。　I？m　only　a　junior；　so　I　have　
another　year　to　hang　around；　waiting　to　graduate；　and　I？m　worried　that　he？ll　be　tempted　by　all　
those　college　girls。　Do　long…distance　relationships　really　work？　？Left　Behind

　A：Dear　LB；　

In　my　experience；　long…distance　relationships　are　dicey？even　if　you　only　live　across　the　park　
from　one　another。　If　that？s　got　you　down；　here？s　my　Rx：　go　to　your　kitchen　and　find　some　Godiva　
cocoa　powder　（you　may　have　to　dig　around　in　back　for　the　good　stuff？the　cook　always　tries　to　
hide　it）；　and　whip　yourself　up　an　iced　hot　chocolate。　Sip　it　while　sitting　at　your　iBook。　
Look？you？re　multitasking！　Don？t　you　feel　better　already？　Now　go　to　eLUXURY。　and　buy　
yourself　something　fabulous。　When　that？s　done；　cruise　all　the　cute　guys　on　Facebook　and　
MySpace　and　send　the　ones　you　like　best　some　cleverly　flirtatious　e…mails。　By　the　time　the　


weekend　es；　you？ll　have　a　bunch　of　hot　dates　at　your　beck　and　call？and　an　even　hotter　outfit　
to　wear！　Trust　me；　by　Sunday　you？ll　barely　remember　College　Boy？s　name。　？GG　

Q：Dear　Mme。　Gossip　Girl；　

My　darling　son　has　recently　had　a　sexual　awakening　and　is　ing　to　terms　with　his　long…latent　
homosexuality。　After　not　seeing　my　dear　boy　for　some　years；　I　want　to　be　there　for　him　in　this　
most　exciting　time；　but　I？m　not　quite　sure　how　to　go　about　it。　I？ve　already　given　him　some　gifts　
relating　to　his　new　identity；　but　I　want　to　domore　。　Hallmark　doesn？t　seem　to　make　an　？I　love　my　
gay　son？　card。　Please　help！

　Sincerely；　

Loving　Mother　of　a　Gay　Son　

　A：Dear　LMGS；　

I？m　going　to　give　you　the　same　advice　I　give　to　anyone　looking　to　celebrate　something　exciting　
and　new：　have　a　party！　And　inviteeveryone　。　There？s　no　better　way　to　say　？I　love　you。？　Plus　it？ll　
give　your　son　the　chance　to　get　all　dolled？er；　dressed？up。　Here？s　to　partying　the　gay　（I　mean　day）　
away！　

　？GG　

　sightings　

Bin　theLa　Perla　store　on　Fifth　Avenue　buying　a　sky　blue　bra…and…thong　set。　Can　the　flames　of　
desire　betweenB　andN　be　waning　already？　We　hope　not？although　I？d　be　happy　to　help　him　out　if　
he？s　bored　with　monogamy。　。　。　。N　sitting　outside　his　town　house　looking　contemplative？or　maybe　
he　was　just　under　the　influence　as　usual。　。　。　。V　at　theNYU　bo