gossip girl 11 英文-第31部分

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weird　brown　goo　that　had　been　shoved　in　the　back　of　the　fridge；　peeling　back　the　lid　and　sniffing　
happily。　

？Redecorating？？　His　voice　boomed　as　he　opened　the　utensil　drawer　and　rummaged　through　
it。　？The　curtains　look　phenomenal！　That　your　golden　touch；　Dan？？　Rufus　yelled　toward　the　living　
room。　？This　place　could　usesomething　；　that？s　for　sure。？　He　pulled　out　a　lime　green　spatula　and　
began　using　it　as　a　spoon。　

？It　could　use　something？like　a　wrecking　ball！？　Jeanette？s　voice　rang　out　from　the　other　
room。　？Or　a　can　of　gasoline　and　a　lit　match！？　She　came　striding　into　the　kitchen；　the　blue　folds　of　
her　sundress　flying　to　and　fro；　while　Dan　trailed　behind；　carrying　her　bags。　Gliding　up　to　Vanessa；　
she　smiled　broadly　and　extended　one　hand　laden　with　turquoise　rings　for　Vanessa　to　shake　。　。　。　or　
kiss　。　。　。　or　high…five？　It　was　hard　to　tell；　the　way　she　was　holding　it；　and　finally　Vanessa　just　
bumped　fists　with　her　like　they　were　old　homies。　

　What　up；　dawg？　

It　was　so　strange　meeting　Dan？s　mom　after　all　this　time？it　was　like　looking　at　a　slightly　more　
feminine　version　of　Dan？plete　with　long　brown　hair　and　too　much　hippie　jewelry。　？You　must　
be　Vanessa；？　Jeanette　exclaimed；　her　hazel…blue　eyes　sparkling　manically。　？I？ve　heardso　much　
about　you。？　？You　too；？　Vanessa　lied；　because　in　truth；　she　really　hadn？t。　As　far　as　she　knew；　Dan？s　
mom　had　disappeared　with　Count　Dracula　or　Count　Chocula　or　something　and　was　never　heard　
from　again。　

Dan？s　palms　were　slick　with　sweat　and　his　wrists　trembled　under　the　weight　of　the　bags。　His　
mother。　Really；　she　was　the　last　thing　he　needed。　On　top　of　trying　to　figure　out　once　and　for　all　
whether　or　not　he　was　gay；　he　was　going　to　have　to　play　catch…up　with　this　person　who　had　
basically　abandoned　him　when　he　was　only　eight。　Or　was　he　ten？　She？s　been　gone　so　long　he　
really　couldn？t　remember。　He？d　certainly　stopped　missing　her　years　ago；　but　now　here　she　was　in　
all　her　perfumed；　turquoise　jewelry…wearing　glory；　acting　like　her　presence　was　really　no　big　deal。　
Jesus。　Jenny　had　seen　their　mom　in　Prague。Why　hadn？t　shewarned　him？　

Dan　brought　in　his　mother？s　packages　and　placed　them　gently　on　the　kitchen　floor。　Vanessa　tried　
to　make　eye　contact　with　him　but　his　eyes　were　glued　downward；　and　he　was　seemingly　deep　in　
thought。　Or　in　a　trance。　Maybe　his　mother　had　hypnotized　him？　Maybe　she　was　a　New　Age　
gypsy？　


？Now；　Dan；？　Jeanette　began；　as　she　rooted　through　the　cavernous　bags；　pulling　out　assorted　
packages　and　placing　them　on　top　of　the　piles　of　newspapers　covering　the　kitchen　table；　？Jenny　
told　me　all　about　your　special　announcement；　and　I？m　here　to　help　you　celebrate！？　Vanessa　stifled　
a　nervous　laugh　as　Dan？s　face　turned　sheet　white。　

Rufus　held　the　spatula；　piled　with　what　Vanessa　was　now　convinced　was　dog　food；　even　though　
they　didn？t　have　a　dog。　？What　announcement？？　？Coffee！？　Jeanette　chirped　excitedly　opening　a　
large　pink　box　and　shoving　the　contents　under　Dan？s　nose。　？Will　go　perfectly　withthese　。？　Dan　
craned　his　neck　and　peered　inside。　Cradled　in　white　wax　paper　was　a　chocolate　？clair。　Two　plump　
cream　puffs　nestled　on　either　side　of　the　long；　frosted　pastry。　His　face　flushed　red　with　
embarrassment。　Maybe　he　was　just　being　paranoid　or　perverted；　but　that　looked　a　whole　lot　like　
a？？It？s　a　penis！？　his　mother　trilled；　as　if　reading　her　son？s　thoughts。　？It？s　to　celebrate　Dan　being　
gay！？　Jeanette　practically　screamed。　？The　cream　in　the　center　is　the　sweetest　part。？　She　winked。　

　Um；　ew？　

？Gay？？Rufus　brought　the　spatula　to　his　lips　and　chewed　thoughtfully。　？When　did　this　happen？？　
All　eyes　turned　to　Dan。　？Like　。　。　。　I　don？t　know　exactly；？　he　stammered；　wishing　the　parquet　floor　
would　just　open　up　and　swallow　him　whole。　His　mother　had　traveled　three　thousand　miles　just　to　
give　him　a　penis　pastry？　She　was　back　because　he？d　e　out　of　the　closet？　He　was　going　tokill　
Jenny　for　opening　her　little　mouth。　Besides；　what　did　penises　have　to　do　with　anything？　There　was　
nothing　sexual　about　his　conundrum。　

　Wasn？t　there？　

Rufus　shrugged　and　took　another　bite　of　mustard…brown　slop。　？And　here　I　thought　Jeanie　just　
missed　me？ha！？　Dan？s　hand　flew　to　his　chest　in　an　unconscious　and　totally　effeminate　gesture。　
Rufus　continued；　an　insane…looking　grin　now　plastered　to　his　bearded　face。　？Well；　you？ll　
remember　what　you？re　missing　now；　won？t　you　Jean…Jean？　Andthen　you？ll　be　sick　of　living　like　
royalty　in　Europe。？　He　shook　the　lime　green　apparatus　at　her　and　turned　back　to　Dan。　？Does　this　
mean　I　need　to　learn　to　cook　quiche？？　he　asked。　

？Anyway；？　Jeanette　sang　out；　ignoring　her　estranged　husband　as　she　began　pulling　what　looked　
like　yards　of　magenta　silk　out　of　a　large　white　box。　？I　brought　you　some　gifts　to　mark　this　very　
important　transition　into　your　new　lifestyle。　Look！？　She　held　up　what　appeared　to　be　a　fuchsia　
pink　jumpsuit　with　sparkling　gold　laces　up　the　front。　As　she　excitedly　held　it　up　to　Dan？s　body；　it　
became　immediately　apparent　that　it　was　about　ten　sizes　too　small？which　was　only　fitting；　since　
the　last　present　she？d　sent　had　been　size…four　lederhosen　from　D？sseldorf　when　he　was　ten。　Dan　
closed　his　eyes　again　and　silently　wished　that　he　and　Vanessa　hadn？t　removed　the　ancient　stacks　of　
newspapers　today？maybe　then　the　piles　of　clutter　could　have　fallen　down　and　killed　him；　if　not　in　
his　sleep；　then　in　this；　perhaps　the　worst　waking　moment　of　his　life。　

？I　knew　this　would　be　perfect　on　you！　Can　you　imagine　what　kind　ofsplash　you？ll　make　at　the　
Chelsea　nightclubs？？　We　can　imagine？and　it？s　already　giving　us　nightmares。　


？I　have　another　gift；？　she　continued　conspiratorially；　taking　Dan？s　elbow　and　leaning　in　close；　
her　singsong　voice　dropping　to　a　low　whisper。　？But　this　one　is　for　your　eyes　only。？　Jeanette　
reached　into　the　hip…length　macram？　tote　still　hanging　from　her　shoulder　and　drew　out　a　large；　
black…bound　book；　which　she　handed　to　Dan。　

He　ran　his　fingers　over　the　gilt　label：　HOMOESENSUAL：　THE　

GREATEST　GAY　LOVE　POEMS　OF　ALL　TIME。　The　book　must　have　weighed　over　fifteen　
pounds。　Dan　stared　down　at　the　cover；　not　sure　what　to　say。　It　actually　was　a　really　thoughtful　gift。　
After　all；　hewas　a　poet；　and　he　was　pretty　sure　he　might　be　gay。　It　would　do　him　good　to　read　
some　gay　poetry。　

Still；　couldn？t　she　have　just　given　him　a　card？　

？I　figured　you　might　want　something　moreartistic　to　celebrate　your　awakening；　and　I　knew　
you？d　appreciate　this　new　European　pilation。　I　picked　it　up　at　this　delightful　little　？alternative？　
bookstore　in　Paris？they　have　gay　movies；　too！　I？ll　be　sure　to　pick　one　up　for　you　next　time　I？m　
there。？　Dan　frowned　down　at　the　book。　Had　his　mother　just　offered　to　send　him　gay　porn？　She　
seemed　really　excited　by　the　idea　of　having　a　gay　son；　and　he　hadn？t　seen　her　in　at　least　ten　
years？why　not　humor　her？　He　shrugged；　picked　up　the　penis　？clair；　and　took　a　giant　bite。　It　tasted　
like　a　Bavarian　cream　donut。　

？Delicious；？　he　declared；　smacking　his　lips　and　really　camping　it　up。　His　mother　nodded；　
beaming　with　pleasure。　Vanessa　giggled　and　dipped　her　finger　into　the　box　to　taste　some　of　the　
cream。？Truly　divine；？　he　added；　for　their　benefit。　

The　family　that？s　gay　together　stays　together！　

what　goes　around　es　around。　。　。　。　

Serena？s　chest　felt　hollow　as　she　watched　Nate　bury　his　face　in　Blair？s　perfumed　neck。　They　
looked　so　ecstatic　and　in　love　that　she　had　to　turn　away。　What　was　going　on？　She？d　thought　they　
were　barely　even　speaking　anymore。　Serena　grabbed　a　flute　of　champagne　and　downed　it；　
reaching　for　another。　The　golden　bubbles　tickled　her　nose　and　she　sneezed　twice。　If　she　had　to　
watch　them　practically　do　it　right　in　front　of　her；　she？d　better　drink　herself　silly。　

Of　course　all　she　had　to　do　was　wait；　but　the　waiting　was　killing　her。　Blair　was　would　be　off　to　
Yale　in　the　morning　and　Nate　would　be　staying　right　here　in　New　York。　Finally；　she？d　have　him　all　
to　herself；　and　years　from　now；　when　Blair　came　home　from　Yale　with　her　perfect　collegiate　
investment　banker　fianc？　and　Nate　and　Serena　were　in　love？true；　


spend…the…rest…of…your…life…together　love？they？d　laugh　at　the　idea　that　Blair　and　Nate　h