永别了,武器(英文版)海明威著-第20部分

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After　dinner　we　walked　through　the　galleria；　past　the　other　restaurants　and　the　shops　with　their　steel　shutters　down；　and　stopped　at　the　little　place　where　they　sold　sandwiches；　ham　and　lettuce　sandwiches　and　anchovy　sandwiches　made　of　very　tiny　brown　glazed　rolls　and　only　about　as　long　as　your　finger。　They　were　to　eat　in　the　night　when　we　were　hungry。　Then　we　got　into　an　open　carriage　outside　the　galleria　in　front　of　the　cathedral　and　rode　to　the　hospital。　At　the　door　of　the　hospital　the　porter　came　out　to　help　with　the　crutches。　I　paid　the　driver；　and　then　we　rode　upstairs　in　the　elevator。　Catherine　got　off　at　the　lower　floor　where　the　nurses　lived　and　I　went　on　up　and　went　down　the　hall　on　crutches　to　my　room；　sometimes　I　undressed　and　got　into　bed　and　sometimes　I　sat　out　on　the　balcony　with　my　leg　up　on　another　chair　and　watched　the　swallows　over　the　roofs　and　waited　for　Catherine。　When　she　came　upstairs　it　was　as　though　she　had　been　away　on　a　long　trip　and　I　went　along　the　hall　with　her　on　the　crutches　and　carried　the　basins　and　waited　outside　the　doors；　or　went　in　with　her；　it　depending　on　whether　they　were　friends　of　ours　or　not；　and　when　she　had　done　all　there　was　to　be　done　we　sat　out　on　the　balcony　outside　my　room。　Afterward　I　went　to　bed　and　when　they　were　all　asleep　and　she　was　sure　they　would　not　call　she　came　in。　I　loved　to　take　her　hair　down　and　she　sat　on　the　bed　and　kept　very　still；　except　suddenly　she　would　dip　down　to　kiss　me　while　I　was　doing　it；　and　I　would　take　out　the　pins　and　lay　them　on　the　sheet　and　it　would　be　loose　and　I　would　watch　her　while　she　kept　very　still　and　then　take　out　the　last　two　pins　and　it　would　all　e　down　and　she　would　drop　her　head　and　we　would　both　be　inside　of　it；　and　it　was　the　feeling　of　inside　a　tent　or　behind　a　falls。
She　had　wonderfully　beautiful　hair　and　I　would　lie　sometimes　and　watch　her　twisting　it　up　in　the　light　that　came　in　the　open　door　and　it　shone　even　in　the　night　as　water　shines　sometimes　just　before　it　is　really　daylight。　She　had　a　lovely　face　and　body　and　lovely　smooth　skin　too。　We　would　be　lying　together　and　I　would　touch　her　cheeks　and　her　forehead　and　under　her　eyes　and　her　chin　and　throat　with　the　tips　of　my　fingers　and　say；　〃Smooth　as　piano　keys；〃　and　she　would　stroke　my　chin　with　her　finger　and　say；　〃Smooth　as　emery　paper　and　very　hard　on　piano　keys。〃
〃Is　it　rough？〃
〃No；　darling。　I　was　just　making　fun　of　you。〃
It　was　lovely　in　the　nights　and　if　we　could　only　touch　each　other　we　were　happy。　Besides　all　the　big　times　we　had　many　small　ways　of　making　love　and　we　tried　putting　thoughts　in　the　other　one's　head　while　we　were　in　different　rooms。　It　seemed　to　work　sometimes　but　that　was　probably　because　we　were　thinking　the　same　thing　anyway。
We　said　to　each　other　that　we　were　married　the　first　day　she　had　e　to　the　hospital　and　we　counted　months　from　our　wedding　day。　I　wanted　to　be　really　married　but　Catherine　said　that　if　we　were　they　would　send　her　away　and　if　we　merely　started　on　the　formalities　they　would　watch　her　and　would　break　us　up。　We　would　have　to　be　married　under　Italian　law　and　the　formalities　were　terrific。　I　wanted　us　to　be　married　really　because　I　worried　about　having　a　child　if　I　thought　about　it；　but　we　pretended　to　ourselves　we　were　married　and　did　not　worry　much　and　I　suppose　I　enjoyed　not　being　married；　really。　I　know　one　night　we　talked　about　it　and　Catherine　said；　〃But；　darling；　they'd　send　me　away。〃
〃Maybe　they　wouldn't。〃
〃They　would。　They'd　send　me　home　and　then　we　would　he　apart　until　after　the　war。〃
〃I'd　e　on　leave。〃
〃You　couldn't　get　to　Scotland　and　back　on　a　leave。　Besides；　I　won't　leave　you。　What　good　would　it　do　to　marry　now？　We're　really　married。　I　couldn't　be　any　more　married。〃
〃I　only　wanted　to　for　you。〃
〃There　isn't　any　me。　I'm　you。　Don't　make　up　a　separate　me。〃
〃I　thought　girls　always　wanted　to　be　married。〃
〃They　do。　But；　darling；　I　am　married。　I'm　married　to　you。　Don't　I　make　you　a　good　wife？〃
〃You're　a　lovely　wife。〃
〃You　see；　darling；　I　had　one　experience　of　waiting　to　be　married。〃
〃I　don't　want　to　hear　about　it。〃
〃You　know　I　don't　love　any　one　but　you。　You　shouldn't　mind　because　some　one　else　loved　me。〃
〃I　do。〃
〃You　shouldn't　be　jealous　of　some　one　who's　dead　when　you　have　everything。〃
〃No；　but　I　don't　want　to　hear　about　it。〃
〃Poor　darling。　And　I　know　you've　been　with　all　kinds　of　girls　and　it　doesn't　matter　to　me。〃
〃Couldn't　we　be　married　privately　some　way？　Then　if　anything　happened　to　me　or　if　you　had　a　child。〃
〃There's　no　way　to　be　married　except　by　church　or　state。　We　are　married　privately。　You　see；　darling；　it　would　mean　everything　to　me　if　I　had　any　religion。　But　I　haven't　any　religion。〃
〃You　gave　me　the　Saint　Anthony。〃
〃That　was　for　luck。　Some　one　gave　it　to　me。〃
〃Then　nothing　worries　you？〃
〃Only　being　sent　away　from　you。　You're　my　religion。　You're　all　I've　got。〃
〃All　right。　But　I'll　marry　you　the　day　you　say。〃
〃Don't　talk　as　though　you　had　to　make　an　honest　woman　of　me；　darling。　I'm　a　very　honest　woman。　You　can't　be　ashamed　of　something　if　you're　only　happy　and　proud　of　it。　Aren't　you　happy？〃
〃But　you　won't　ever　leave　me　for　some　one　else。〃
〃No；　darling。　I　won't　ever　leave　you　for　some　one　else。　I　suppose　all　sorts　of　dreadful　things　will　happen　to　us。　But　you　don't　have　to　worry　about　that。〃
〃I　don't。　But　I　love　you　so　much　and　you　did　love　some　one　else　before。〃
〃And　what　happened　to　him？〃
〃He　died。〃
〃Yes　and　if　he　hadn't　I　wouldn't　have　met　you。　I'm　not　unfaithful；　darling。　I've　plenty　of　faults　but　I'm　very　faithful。　You'll　be　sick　of　me　I'll　be　so　faithful。〃
〃I'll　have　to　go　back　to　the　front　pretty　soon。〃
〃We　won't　think　about　that　until　you　go。　You　see　I'm　happy；　darling；　and　we　have　a　lovely　time。　I　haven't　been　happy　for　a　long　time　and　when　I　met　you　perhaps　I　was　nearly　crazy。　Perhaps　I　was　crazy。　But　now　we're　happy　and　we　love　each　other。　Do　let's　please　just　be　happy。　You　are　happy；　aren't　you？　Is　there　anything　I　do　you　don't　like？　Can　I　do　anything　to　please　you？　Would　you　like　me　to　take　down　my　hair？　Do　you　want　to　play？〃
〃Yes　and　e　to　bed。〃
〃All　right。　I'll　go　and　see　the　patients　first。〃




19


The　summer　went　that　way。　I　do　not　remember　much　about　the　days；　except　that　they　were　hot　and　that　there　were　many　victories　in　the　papers。　I　was　very　healthy　and　my　legs　healed　quickly　so　that　it　was　not　very　long　after　I　was　first　on　crutches　before　I　was　through　with　them　and　walking　with　a　cane。　Then　I　started　treatments　at　the　Ospedale　Maggiore　for　bending　the　knees；　mechanical　treatments；　baking　in　a　box　of　mirrors　with　violet　rays；　massage；　and　baths。　I　went　over　there　afternoons　and　afterward　stopped　at　the　caf？and　had　a　drink　and　read　the　papers。　I　did　not　roam　around　the　town；　but　wanted　to　get　home　to　the　hospital　from　the　caf？　All　I　wanted　was　to　see　Catherine。　The　rest　of　the　time　I　was　glad　to　kill。　Mostly　I　slept　in　the　mornings；　and　in　the　afternoons；　sometimes；　I　went　to　the　races；　and　late　to　the　mechanotherapy　treatments。　Sometimes　I　stopped　in　at　the　AngloAmerican　Club　and　sat　in　a　deep　leather…cushioned　chair　in　front　of　the　window　and　read　the　magazines。　They　would　not　let　us　go　out　together　when　I　was　off　crutches　because　it　was　unseemly　for　a　nurse　to　be　seen　unchaperoned　with　a　patient　who　did　not　look　as　though　he　needed　attendance；　so　we　were　not　together　much　in　the　afternoons。　Although　sometimes　we　could　go　out　to　dinner　if　Ferguson　went　along。　Miss　Van　Campen　had　accepted　the　status　that　we　were　great　friends　because　she　got　a　great　amount　of　work　out　of　Catherine。　She　thought　Catherine　came　from　very　good　people　and　that　prejudiced　her　in　her　favor　finally。　Miss　Van　Campen　admired　family　very　much　and　came　from　an　excellent　family　herself。　The　hospital　was　quite　busy；　too；　and　that　kept　her　occupied。　It　was　a　hot　summer　and　I　knew　many　people　in　Milan　but　always　was　anxious　to　get　back　home　to　the　hospital　as　soon　as　the　afternoon　was　over。　At　the　front　they　were　advancing　on　the　Carso；　they　had　taken　Kuk　across　from　Plava　and　were　taking　the　Bainsizza　plateau。　The　West　front　did　not　sound　so　good。　It　looked　as　though　the　war　were　going　on　for　a　long　time。　We　were　in　the　war　now　but　I　thought　it