gossip girl 12 终结-第31部分

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　what’s　the　problem？”

“I　know。”　Nate　sighed　heavily　and　sat　at　the　table；　his　forehead　cradled　in　his　hands。　He　was　just　so　fucking　confused。　Serena　was　great。　Blair　was　great。　Blair　had　a　boyfriend。　Both　of　them　hated　him。

“Technical　difficulties？”　Chuck　asked。

Nate　shook　his　head。　“The　next　morning；　I　brought　up　Blair；　and　Serena　just　totally　closed　off　and　kicked　me　out。　She　probably　thinks　I　still　have　feelings　for　Blair。”　Nate　paused。　“And　I　guess　I　do；　even　though　Blair　has　a　boyfriend。”

“You　have　a　hard　life；　Nathaniel；”　Chuck　scoffed。

“I　know　I’m　being　a　pussy。　But　every　time　I　e　home；　I　make　a　mess。　Maybe　I’m　better　off　not　ing　home。　Just　leaving　New　York　totally；”　Nate　said　bluntly。　Only　a　year　ago；　it　would　have　felt　extremely　gay　to　talk　about　his　emotions　with　another　guy。　But　now；　after　all　his　time　at　Deep　Springs；　he　was　okay　with　it。　Maybe　he　needed　to　get　back　there—and　never　leave。

“What　would　El　Capitan　say？”　Chuck　prodded。

Nate　sat　up；　suddenly　remembering　the　letter　Chips’s　sister　had　given　him。　He　hadn’t　felt　ready　to　open　it　before。　He’d　needed　more　time　to　process　things。

And　by　“process”　he　means　smoke　and　drink　himself　into　oblivion。

“The　letter；”　Nate　said　simply。　Maybe　Chips　did　have　something　to　say。　For　the　first　time　since　the　funeral；　he　felt　optimistic。

“Good　idea。　I’ll　let　you　be　alone；”　Chuck　said；　finishing　off　his　beer　and　sliding　off　the　stool。　“Look；　I’m　heading　to　Aspen　tomorrow。　You　should　e。　Or　at　least　promise　you’re　not　going　to　freak　out　again。　Okay？”　Chuck　locked　eyes　with　Nate。

“Thanks；　man。”　Nate　walked　him　to　the　door。　“I’ll　think　about　Aspen；”　he　lied　to　Chuck’s　retreating　back。　Then　he　ran　upstairs　and　yanked　open　the　top　drawer　of　his　Chippendale　desk。　He　pulled　out　the　wrinkled　cream　envelope。　It　felt　weighted　and　heavy。　Instantly；　Nate　knew　what　it　was。

He　slid　his　index　finger　under　the　envelope　flap；　ripped　it　open；　and　allowed　Chips’s　antique　silver　pass　to　drop　into　his　palm。　It　looked　tarnished　and　worn　and　felt　reassuringly　heavy。　Chips　only　trusted　his　pass；　believing　puter　navigational　systems　made　people　lazy　and　made　them　forget　what　it　was　like　to　trust　their　own　minds。　Nate　had　been　freaked　out　at　first　to　head　out　onto　the　ocean　with　no　puter　system；　but　soon　realized　that　Chips　was　right：　When　you　had　nothing　else　to　trust；　you　had　to　trust　yourself。

He　pulled　out　the　ivory　card　stock　that　acpanied　the　pass；　written　in　Chips’s　spiky…scrawly　handwriting。

Nathaniel—

Thanks　for　ing　on　the　journey；　and　I’m　glad　you　learned　something　from　this　old　man。　Remember：　Read　the　pass；　and　stay　the　course。

Nate　sighed；　disappointed。　All　of　Chips’s　lessons　were　summed　up　in　two　sentences。　He　wasn’t　sure　what　he’d　been　expecting。

A　self…help　manual？

He　knew　what　Chips　meant：　that　the　pass　only　gave　you　directions—it　was　up　to　you　to　interpret　the　directions。　He　wished　charting　his　life　was　as　easy　as　following　a　map。　He　glanced　down　at　the　pass；　which　had　led　Chips　in　the　right　direction　for　years。　Maybe　it　did　have　some　sort　of　power。　Maybe　he　could　use　it　to　help　him　figure　things　out。

He　held　the　pass　in　his　hand　and　squeezed　his　eyes　shut。　If　it　pointed　to　W；　it　would　mean　Waldorf。　If　it　pointed　toward　S；　it　would　mean　Serena。

And　if　it　points　to　N；　would　that　mean　Not　a　Good　Idea？

The　thin　red　needle　swung　back　and　forth；　first　wavering　on　N；　then　slowly　falling　down。　It　wavered　uncertainly　before　settling　right　on　the　letter　W。

Nate　smiled。　Everything　seemed　absurdly　simple　for　the　first　time　in　a　while。　He　needed　to　find　Blair。

Let’s　hope　he　finds　the　shower　first。

you’ve　got　mail

From：　svw@vanderWoodsen。

To：　dhumphrey3@columbia。edu

Subject：　Your　Poem

Hi　Dan；

I’m　hoping　this　is　the　same　Dan　Humphrey　who　went　to　Riverside　Prep；　and　who　wrote　Serena　in　The　New　Yorker？　It’s　Serena　van　der　Woodsen；　from　high　school。　How　are　you？　I　just　read　your　poem　and　loved　it。　Would　you　want　to　meet　me　for　coffee　sometime？

SvD

From：　dhumphrey3@columbia。edu

To：　svw@vanderWoodsen。

Subject：　Re：　Your　Poem

Serena；

Hey！　It’s　really　great　to　hear　from　you。　How’ve　you　been？　I’d　love　to　meet　up　for　coffee；　where　and　whenever。

—Dan

P。S。　Glad　you　liked　the　poem。　Sorry　for　stealing　your　name　for　the　title。

From：　svw@vanderWoodsen。

To：　dhumphrey3@columbia。edu

Subject：　Re：　re：　Your　Poem

Great！　Four　o’clock　at　Doma　on　Perry　Street　on　Fri？　I　remember　you　love　coffee。　Hope　that　hasn’t　changed！

Xx　S

the　curse　of　the　creative　power　couple

“This　is　it？”　Vanessa　asked　Hollis　dubiously　on　Friday　morning。　They　were　standing　outside　one　of　the　tall；　glass…box；　personality…less　skyscrapers　near　Grand　Central　for　their　meeting　with　the　executives　of　Streetscape；　a　small　indie　studio。　…Hollis　was　taken　by　the　idea　of　making　a　movie　out　of　Vanessa’s　life；　and　had　immediately　set　up　a　meeting　with　some　people　he　knew。　Vanessa　was　excited；　but　suddenly　a　little　nervous。　She’d　imagined　the　Streetscape　offices　would　be　in　Dumbo　or　SoHo　or　some　other　artsy　neighborhood；　not　a　random　Midtown　office　building。

Hollis　nodded　as　he　gestured　for　her　to　go　first　through　the　varnished　chrome　revolving　door。　The　lobby　floor　and　walls　were　black　marble；　and　men　and　women　in　crisp　business　suits　were　hurrying　back　and　forth　like　worker　ants。　If　Vanessa　had　known　she　was　visiting　a　corporation；　she’d　have　worn　something　other　than　jeans；　a　black；　vaguely　Western　button…down　shirt　she’d　found　at　Beacon’s　Closet；　and　a　pair　of　Chloé　flats　that　Blair　had　left　behind　in　high　school。

Hollis　squeezed　her　hand　reassuringly　and　pulled　her　into　the　elevator。　It　whooshed　up　to　the　nineteenth　floor。　“We’ll　have　fun；”　Hollis　promised；　readjusting　his　fedora；　which　had　now　bee　his　trademark。

Hollis　pushed　open　the　glass　door　that　led　to　the　reception　area。　A　petite　blond　girl　in　a　black　dress　glanced　up。　She　looked　like　a　banker。　Vanessa　smiled；　reminding　herself　not　to　be　so　judgmental。

“Andra；　great　to　see　you！”　Hollis　said　warmly。　The　banker　got　up　from　behind　the　desk　and　hugged　him。

“It’s　been　too　long！”　She　smiled；　her　eyes　flicking　up　his　tall；　lean　form。　“You　look　good。”

“Hi。”　Vanessa　said　pointedly　to　the　girl。　Was　she　flirting　with　her　boyfriend？　While　Vanessa　was　right　there？

Aw；　can’t　we　all　just　get　along？

“Oh；　hi！　You　must　be　Vanessa；”　Andra　said　warmly。　“Hollis　told　me　so　much　about　you；　I　feel　like　I　know　you！”　she　cooed。　Vanessa　smiled　despite　herself。　It　was　nice　that　Hollis　was　talking　about　her　when　she　wasn’t　around。

“Anyway；　I’ll　let　everyone　know　you’re　here；”　Andra　said；　sitting　back　down　at　the　desk　and　picking　up　a　receiver。　“Stacy；　they’re　here！”　she　yelled　into　the　phone。　When　no　one　answered　she　padded　down　the　carpeted　hallway　to　tell　them。

“You’ll　be　great；　champ；”　Hollis　said；　squeezing　Vanessa’s　shoulder　as　he　led　her　to　one　of　the　low…slung　couches　set　up　along　one　cream　wall。

“Thanks；”　she　whispered。　She　usually　prided　herself　on　being　ultraindependent；　but　right　now；　she　was　glad　Hollis　was　right　by　her　side。　He　did　this　kind　of　thing　all　the　time；　but　of　course　Vanessa　was　nervous。　This　was　her　chance。　And　so　what　if　it　was　a　little　more　corporate　than　she　expected？　After　all；　this　wasn’t　some　student　film　produced　by　a　purple…haired；　multipierced　grad　student。　This　was　Streetscape；　an　actual　production　pany。

Just　then；　a　skinny　guy　with　an　asymmetrical　haircut　emerged　from　a　labyrinthine　hallway。

“Hollis！”　He　hug…patted　her　boyfriend。

“Zach；　what’s　up；　man？”　Hollis　said　enthusiastically。　“This　is　my　girlfriend；　Vanessa。　She’s　an　amazing　filmmaker。　I　can’t　wait　to　see　what　happens　when　she　and　Stacy　get　together　in　one　room。　Vanessa；　this　is　Zach；　Stacy’s　assistant。”

“Hi　Vanessa。”　Zach　smiled。　Vanessa　grinned　back。　This　was　more　like　it。　Zach　looked　like　the　guys　in　her　film　class：　smart；　a　little　pretentious；　and　fiercely　devoted　to　making　movies。　Vanessa　understood　these　people。　They　were　her　people。　“So；　you　guys　ready　to　e　on　back？”　Zach　asked　rhetorically　as　he　walked　at　breakneck　speed　through　the　hallways　and　toward　an　empt