gossip girl 12 终结-第26部分

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“We　were　all　friends；　and　then　in　tenth　grade；　Nate　and　I　started　dating。　And　then　that　summer；　when　I　was　in　Scotland　for　a　wedding；　Nate　and　Serena　slept　together；　and　I　didn’t　find　out　until　senior　year。”　A　fresh　sob　escaped　Blair’s　throat。　She　suddenly　recalled　how　she’d　first　found　out。　It　was　when　she　and　Nate　were　just　about　to　sleep　together　for　the　first　time。

“Do　you　still　have　feelings　for　him？”　Pete　asked。　Blair　cleared　her　throat　a　little　haughtily。　What　was　with　the　third　degree？　His　ex…girlfriend；　an　anthropology　bitch　named　Lindsey；　glared　at　Blair　whenever　they　crossed　paths　on　campus　and　Blair　never　plained。

Blair　stood　up　and　wavered　over　to　the　minibar。　She　was　determined　not　to　let　the　image　of　Serena　and　Nate　fuck　up　her　night。　And　what　better　way　than　to　have　another　drink？

“Are　you　still　in　love　with　him？”　Pete　pressed；　trailing　behind　her。

Blair　whirled　around；　a　mini　bottle　of　vodka　in　her　hand。　Why　couldn’t　he　just　let　it　go？　“No；”　she　said　flatly。　She　wasn’t　in　love　with　Nate。　She’d　moved　on。　She　had　Pete　now。　Duh。

“Okay；”　Pete　said　slowly。　His　blue　eyes　still　looked　slightly　wary；　but　he　wearily　ran　a　hand　through　his　thick　blond　hair。

“I’m　in　love　with　you；”　Blair　clarified。　It　was　true。　But　she　was　surrounded　by　all　these　feelings　from　her　high　school　past　and　it　was　hard　to　let　them　go　just　like　that。

“I　just　need　you　to　be　honest　with　me…。”　Pete　pushed　away　the　tumbler　of　vodka　impatiently。　“Just　tell　me　that　nothing　has　happened　between　you　since　high　school。”

Blair　looked　at　her　reflection　in　the　mirror　above　the　bar。　Her　chestnut　brown　hair　was　limp　around　her　face　and　her　black　La　Perla　bra　strap　had　inched　down　her　shoulder。　Her　small；　lean　face　was　blotchy　and　red。　And　still；　Pete　loved　her。　Real　couples　loved　each　other　no　matter　what。　He　needed　to　know　everything。　And　then　it　really　would　be　over。

She　ran　her　hands　through　her　hair　and　turned　around；　waiting　until　Pete’s　eyes　connected　with　hers。　“Last　winter　break；　Nate　and　I　hooked　up　on　New　Year’s；”　Blair　said　quickly。　“I　didn’t　even　know　he　would　be　in　New　York；　I　thought　he　was　sailing　around　the　world；　but　then　we　ended　up　at　the　same　party；　and　we　were　both　by　ourselves　and　you　were　in　Costa　Rica　and　‘no　ring；　no　bring；’　and　it　just　happened。　But　that　was　last　year；　it　only　happened　once；　and　now　it　seems　he　and　Serena　are　together；　so　good　for　them；”　Blair　finished。　There。　That　didn’t　sound　too　bad。　She’d　acknowledged　it　for　what　it　was：　a　dumb　mistake　that　would　never　happen　again。

Never　say　never…。

Blair　picked　up　her　glass　and　took　a　long；　relieved　sip。　She　felt　like　a　weight　had　been　lifted　from　her　chest。　“I’m　really　glad　I　told　you；”　Blair　confessed；　reaching　out　to　grab　Pete’s　hand。

Pete　yanked　his　arm　away　as　if　he’d　been　burned。　His　face　looked　ashen。　“You　mean；　you　slept　with　him；”　he　finally　choked　out。

“But　it　didn’t　mean　anything！”　Blair　said　quickly。　She　hadn’t　really　thought　through　what　her　confession　would　mean　to　Pete。　“It　was　just　a　dumb；　onetime　mistake　that　happened　because　a　lot　of　old　feelings　got　stirred　up。”

“You　cheated。”　Pete　shook　his　head　in　disbelief。　“Jesus　Christ；　I’m　a　fucking　idiot！　You　cheated　and　you　never　told　me。　I　gave　you　a　ring！”

“No！”　Blair　said　desperately。　She　had　to　make　him　understand　that　it　hadn’t　meant　anything。　“I　haven’t　thought　about　him　since；”　Blair　added；　her　voice　rising　hysterically。

“Bullshit。”　Pete　stood　up　and　paced　the　room。　“You　cheated　and　then　you　kept　it　a　secret。　How　do　I　know　this…　this　love　triangle　isn’t　always　going　to　e　back　to　haunt　you—to　haunt　me？”　Pete　shook　his　head　sadly。　He　looked　awful；　like　a　kid　who’d　just　seen　his　golden　retriever　puppy　get　run　over　by　a　car。　“I’m　going　to　take　a　train　to　Philly　and　stay　with　my　brother　for　a　bit。　I’ll　call　you。”

“Wait；”　Blair　screeched；　gripping　a　handful　of　the　dark　green　duvet。　She　couldn’t　believe　she　was　so　close　to　losing　Pete。　“Are　you　breaking　up　with　me？”

Pete　grabbed　his　small　wheeled　Tumi　suitcase　from　the　floor　and　paused　to　look　at　Blair。　“I　just　need　some　time　to　think；”　he　said；　a　little　bit　more　gently。　With　one　final　look；　he　headed　for　the　door。　As　it　closed　behind　him　with　a　thud；　Blair　collapsed　into　the　goosedown　pillow；　her　body　racked　with　sobs。

They　do　say　the　holidays　can　cause　depression。

d　on　deadline

Turtles　sleep　under　the　mud；　while　our　hearts　break…

Two　zebras　together；　so　separate。

Dan　crumpled　the　piece　of　paper　and　threw　it　onto　the　coffee…stained　tan　rug。　The　room　smelled　like　cigarettes　and　incense；　which　Dan　had　first　started　burning　a　year　ago　to　erase　the　smell　of　Vanessa；　but　hadn’t　broken　the　habit。　The　alarm　clock　he’d　had　since　seventh　grade　read　eleven　thirty…four　in　luminous　green　letters。　For　everyone　else；　it　was　twenty…six　minutes　until　New　Year’s；　but　for　Dan；　it　was　less　than　half　an　hour　until　he　failed　his　poetry　class　and　botched　his　writing　career。

Of　course；　he’d　been　an　idiot　to　even　sign　up　for　a　writing　seminar　called　Poetry　and　Passion　when　there　was　so　little　passion　in　his　life。　But　Colm　Doyle；　the　legendary　Irish　writer；　was　the　instructor。　Colm　wrote　angry；　honest　poems　about　love。　After　his　fourth　divorce；　he’d　written　a　poem　called　“Hand　on　the　Frying　Pan；”　and　Dan　had　memorized　every　line。　Besides；　he’d　hoped　he　could　benefit　from　taking　a　class　on　passion　when　he　wasn’t　in　love。　After　all；　back　in　high　school；　he’d　written　his　best　poem；　“Sluts；”　after　he’d　broken　up　with　Vanessa　the　first　time。　That　had　been　published　in　The　New　Yorker。

It　was　also　submitted　not　by　the　writer　but　by　its　unjealous　subject。

But　now；　he　couldn’t　write　anything。　It　wasn’t　like　he　hadn’t　tried；　over　and　over；　for　the　last　year。　It　was　just　always　the　same：　He’d　loved　Vanessa；　Vanessa　had　cheated　on　him；　he　hated　his　life；　and　he　wanted　to　move　on　but　for　some　reason　couldn’t。　He　was　angry　at　her　and　missed　her　and　hated　the　fact　that　he’d　seen　a　photo　of　her　and　that　Hollis　guy　on　one　of　the　party　pages　in　New　York　magazine；　looking　so　happy　together。　He　wished　that　he’d　never　met　Vanessa；　so　he　wouldn’t　have　to　feel　this　way。

Sounds　like　someone　skipped　the　better　to　have　loved　and　lost　lesson。

Dan　lay　down　on　his　bed　and　pulled　the　flannel　sheets　over　his　head。　All　he　wanted　to　do　was　fall　asleep　so　he　didn’t　have　to　think；　but　unfortunately　he’d　had　fourteen　cups　of　black　coffee　today　and　his　hands　were　vibrating。　He　just　couldn’t　fucking　write　the　poem。　And　he’d　tried。　So　far；　pages　and　pages　were　scattered　across　the　room　and　on　his　bed。　The　zebra　and　turtle　poem　had　actually　been　one　of　his　better　efforts。　At　one　point；　he’d　thought　he　was　onto　something；　but　then　realized　he　was　just　transcribing　an　Indigo　Girls　song　playing　on　the　radio　his　father　had　left　on　in　the　kitchen。

“Daniel？”　Rufus　appeared　in　the　doorway。　His　wiry　salt…and…pepper　hair　was　tucked　into　a　pink　beret　that　was　obviously　Jenny’s。　Jenny　had　spent　Christmas　with　them；　but　was　spending　New　Year’s　on　a　Waverly　field　trip　to　Paris。　Dan　wished　he　could　have　gone　with　her。　He　wished　he　could　be　anywhere　but　here。

“I　was　just　going　to　call　for　some　Chinese　food。　What　do　you　say？”　Rufus　asked　almost　tenderly。　“I　find　I　work　better　with　a　little　MSG　in　my　system。”

“I’m　not　hungry；”　Dan　mumbled。　He　swung　his　legs　out　of　bed　and　picked　up　the　half…empty　cup　of　coffee　from　his　night　table。　It　was　cold　but　he　gulped　it　down　anyway；　enjoying　the　bitter；　acrid　taste　as　it　traveled　down　his　throat。　That　was　how　he　felt。

My　love　is　like　stale　coffee…。

Dan　sighed。　It　was　official。　He　sucked。

“Should　I　be　worried　about　you？”　Rufus　asked　sternly　as　he　sat　down　on　Dan’s　bed。　Rufus　was　one　of　those　dads　who　believed　in　a　less…is…more　approach　to　parenting；　but　was　always　attuned　to　the　lives　of　his　two　children。　Dan　felt　bad　dragging　him　into　his　den　of　despair。　It　wasn’t　his　fault　Dan　had　peaked　at　seventeen。

“I’m　trying　to　write　a　poem；　and　I　can’t　do　it；”　Dan　admitted。

“What　do　you　mean？”　Rufus　roared。　He　stood　up；　placed　his　hands　on　his　hips；　and　looked　down　at　Dan　in　exasperation。　I