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简爱(英文版)-第67部分

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 have been tempted to mit。”
“If you could but be persuaded to think no more of it; aunt; and to regard me with kindness and forgiveness”
“You have a very bad disposition;” said she; “and one to this day I feel it impossible to understand: how for nine years you could be patient and quiescent under any treatment; and in the tenth break out all fire and violence; I can never prehend。”
“My disposition is not so bad as you think: I am passionate; but not vindictive。 Many a time; as a little child; I should have been glad to love you if you would have let me; and I long earnestly to be reconciled to you now: kiss me; aunt。”
I approached my cheek to her lips: she would not touch it。 She said I oppressed her by leaning over the bed; and again demanded water。 As I laid her down—for I raised her and supported her on my arm while she drank—I covered her ice…cold and clammy hand with mine: the feeble fingers shrank from my touch—the glazing eyes shunned my gaze。
“Love me; then; or hate me; as you will;” I said at last; “you have my full and free forgiveness: ask now for God’s; and be at peace。”
Poor; suffering woman! it was too late for her to make now the effort to change her habitual frame of mind: living; she had ever hated me—dying; she must hate me still。
The nurse now entered; and Bessie followed。 I yet lingered half…an… hour longer; hoping to see some sign of amity: but she gave none。 She was fast relapsing into stupor; nor did her mind again rally: at twelve o’clock that night she died。 I was not present to close her eyes; nor were either of her daughters。 They came to tell us the next morning that all was over。 She was by that time laid out。 Eliza and I went to look at her: Georgiana; who had burst out into loud weeping; said she dared not go。 There was stretched Sarah Reed’s once robust and active frame; rigid and still: her eye of flint was covered with its cold lid; her brow and strong traits wore yet the impress of her inexorable soul。 A strange and solemn object was that corpse to me。 I gazed on it with gloom and pain: nothing soft; nothing sweet; nothing pitying; or hopeful; or subduing did it inspire; only a grating anguish for her woes—not my loss—and a sombre tearless dismay at the fearfulness of death in such a form。
Eliza surveyed her parent calmly。 After a silence of some minutes she observed—
“With her constitution she should have lived to a good old age: her life was shortened by trouble。” And then a spasm constricted her mouth for an instant: as it passed away she turned and left the room; and so did I。 Neither of us had dropt a tear。
Chapter 22
Mr。 Rochester had given me but one week’s leave of absence: yet a month elapsed before I quitted Gateshead。 I wished to leave immediately after the funeral; but Georgiana entreated me to stay till she could get off to London; whither she was now at last invited by her uncle; Mr。 Gibson; who had e down to direct his sister’s interment and settle the family affairs。 Georgiana said she dreaded being left alone with Eliza; from her she got neither sympathy in her dejection; support in her fears; nor aid in her preparations; so I bore with her feeble…minded wailings and selfish lamentations as well as I could; and did my best in sewing for her and packing her dresses。 It is true; that while I worked; she would idle; and I thought to myself; “If you and I were destined to live always together; cousin; we would mence matters on a different footing。 I should not settle tamely down into being the forbearing party; I should assign you your share of labour; and pel you to acplish it; or else it should be left undone: I should insist; also; on your keeping some of those drawling; half…insincere plaints hushed in your own breast。 It is only because our connection happens to be very transitory; and es at a peculiarly mournful season; that I consent thus to render it so patient and pliant on my part。”
At last I saw Georgiana off; but now it was Eliza’s turn to request me to stay another e and attention; she said; she was about to depart for some unknown bourne; and all day long she stayed in her own room; her door bolted within; filling trunks; emptying drawers; burning papers; and holding no munication with any one。 She wished me to look after the house; to see callers; and answer notes of condolence。
One morning she told me I was at liberty。 “And;” she added; “I am obliged to you for your valuable services and discreet conduct! There is some difference between living with such an one as you and with Georgiana: you perform your own part in life and burden no one。 To…morrow;” she continued; “I set out for the Continent。 I shall take up my abode in a religious house near Lisle—a nunnery you would call it; there I shall be quiet and unmolested。 I shall devote myself for a time to the examination of the Roman Catholic dogmas; and to a careful study of the workings of their system: if I find it to be; as I half suspect it is; the one best calculated to ensure the doing of all things decently and in order; I shall embrace the tes of Rome and probably take the veil。”
I neither expressed surprise at this resolution nor attempted to dissuade her from it。 “The vocation will fit you to a hair;” I thought: “much good may it do you!”
When we parted; she said: “Good…bye; cousin Jane Eyre; I wish you well: you have some sense。”
I then returned: “You are not without sense; cousin Eliza; but what you have; I suppose; in another year will be walled up alive in a French convent。 However; it is not my business; and so it suits you; I don’t much care。”
“You are in the right;” said she; and with these words we each went our separate way。 As I shall not have occasion to refer either to her or her sister again; I may as well mention here; that Georgiana made an advantageous match with a wealthy worn…out man of fashion; and that Eliza actually took the veil; and is at this day superior of the convent where she passed the period of her novitiate; and which she endowed with her fortune。
How people feel when they are returning home from an absence; long or short; I did not know: I had never experienced the sensation。 I had known what it was to e back to Gateshead when a child after a long walk; to be scolded for looking cold or gloomy; and later; what it was to e back from church to Lowood; to long for a plenteous meal and a good fire; and to be unable to get either。 Neither of these returnings was very pleasant or desirable: no mag drew me to a given point; increasing in its strength of attraction the nearer I came。 The return to Thornfield was yet to be tried。
My journey seemed tedious—very tedious: fifty miles one day; a night spent at an inn; fifty miles the next day。 During the first twelve hours I thought of Mrs。 Reed in her last moments; I saw her disfigured and discoloured face; and heard her strangely altered voice。 I mused on the funeral day; the coffin; the hearse; the black train of tenants and servants—few was the number of relatives—the gaping vault; the silent church; the solemn service。 Then I thought of Eliza and Georgiana; I beheld one the cynosure of a ball…room; the other the inmate of a convent cell; and I dwelt on and analysed their separate peculiarities of person and character。 The evening arrival at the great town of—scattered these thoughts; night gave them quite another turn: laid down on my traveller’s bed; I left reminiscence for anticipation。
I was going back to Thornfield: but how long was I to stay there? Not long; of that I was sure。 I had heard from Mrs。 Fairfax in the interim of my absence: the party at the hall was dispersed; Mr。 Rochester had left for London three weeks ago; but he was then expected to return in a fortnight。 Mrs。 Fairfax surmised that he was gone to make arrangements for his wedding; as he had talked of purchasing a new carriage: she said the idea of his marrying Miss Ingram still seemed strange to her; but from what everybody said; and from what she had herself seen; she could no longer doubt that the event would shortly take place。 “You would be strangely incredulous if you did doubt it;” was my mental ment。 “I don’t doubt it。”
The question followed; “Where was I to go?” I dreamt of Miss

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