简爱(英文版)-第44部分

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“Evening　approaches；”　said　I；　as　I　looked　towards　the　window。　“I　have　never　heard　Mr。　Rochester’s　voice　or　step　in　the　house　to…day；　but　surely　I　shall　see　him　before　night：　I　feared　the　meeting　in　the　morning；　now　I　desire　it；　because　expectation　has　been　so　long　baffled　that　it　is　grown　impatient。”
When　dusk　actually　closed；　and　when　Adèle　left　me　to　go　and　play　in　the　nursery　with　Sophie；　I　did　most　keenly　desire　it。　I　listened　for　the　bell　to　ring　below；　I　listened　for　Leah　ing　up　with　a　message；　I　fancied　sometimes　I　heard　Mr。　Rochester’s　own　tread；　and　I　turned　to　the　door；　expecting　it　to　open　and　admit　him。　The　door　remained　shut；　darkness　only　came　in　through　the　window。　Still　it　was　not　late；　he　often　sent　for　me　at　seven　and　eight　o’clock；　and　it　was　yet　but　six。　Surely　I　should　not　be　wholly　disappointed　to…　night；　when　I　had　so　many　things　to　say　to　him！　I　wanted　again　to　introduce　the　subject　of　Grace　Poole；　and　to　hear　what　he　would　answer；　I　wanted　to　ask　him　plainly　if　he　really　believed　it　was　she　who　had　made　last　night’s　hideous　attempt；　and　if　so；　why　he　kept　her　wickedness　a　secret。　It　little　mattered　whether　my　curiosity　irritated　him；　I　knew　the　pleasure　of　vexing　and　soothing　him　by　turns；　it　was　one　I　chiefly　delighted　in；　and　a　sure　instinct　always　prevented　me　from　going　too　far；　beyond　the　verge　of　provocation　I　never　ventured；　on　the　extreme　brink　I　liked　well　to　try　my　skill。　Retaining　every　minute　form　of　respect；　every　propriety　of　my　station；　I　could　still　meet　him　in　argument　without　fear　or　uneasy　restraint；　this　suited　both　him　and　me。
A　tread　creaked　on　the　stairs　at　last。　Leah　made　her　appearance；　but　it　was　only　to　intimate　that　tea　was　ready　in　Mrs。　Fairfax’s　room。　Thither　I　repaired；　glad　at　least　to　go　downstairs；　for　that　brought　me；　I　imagined；　nearer　to　Mr。　Rochester’s　presence。
“You　must　want　your　tea；”　said　the　good　lady；　as　I　joined　her；　“you　ate　so　little　at　dinner。　I　am　afraid；”　she　continued；　“you　are　not　well　to…day：　you　look　flushed　and　feverish。”
“Oh；　quite　well！　I　never　felt　better。”
“Then　you　must　prove　it　by　evincing　a　good　appetite；　will　you　fill　the　teapot　while　I　knit　off　this　needle？”　Having　pleted　her　task；　she　rose　to　draw　down　the　blind；　which　she　had　hitherto　kept　up；　by　way；　I　suppose；　of　making　the　most　of　daylight；　though　dusk　was　now　fast　deepening　into　total　obscurity。
“It　is　fair　to…night；”　said　she；　as　she　looked　through　the　panes；　“though　not　starlight；　Mr。　Rochester　has；　on　the　whole；　had　a　favourable　day　for　his　journey。”
“Journey！—Is　Mr。　Rochester　gone　anywhere？　I　did　not　know　he　was　out。”
“Oh；　he　set　of　the　moment　he　had　breakfasted！　He　is　gone　to　the　Leas；　Mr。　Eshton’s　place；　ten　miles　on　the　other　side　Millcote。　I　believe　there　is　quite　a　party　assembled　there；　Lord　Ingram；　Sir　George　Lynn；　Colonel　Dent；　and　others。”
“Do　you　expect　him　back　to…night？”
“No—nor　to…morrow　either；　I　should　think　he　is　very　likely　to　stay　a　week　or　more：　when　these　fine；　fashionable　people　get　together；　they　are　so　surrounded　by　elegance　and　gaiety；　so　well　provided　with　all　that　can　please　and　entertain；　they　are　in　no　hurry　to　separate。　Gentlemen　especially　are　often　in　request　on　such　occasions；　and　Mr。　Rochester　is　so　talented　and　so　lively　in　society；　that　I　believe　he　is　a　general　favourite：　the　ladies　are　very　fond　of　him；　though　you　would　not　think　his　appearance　calculated　to　remend　him　particularly　in　their　eyes：　but　I　suppose　his　acquirements　and　abilities；　perhaps　his　wealth　and　good　blood；　make　amends　for　any　little　fault　of　look。”
“Are　there　ladies　at　the　Leas？”
“There　are　Mrs。　Eshton　and　her　three　daughters—very　elegant　young　ladies　indeed；　and　there　are　the　Honourable　Blanche　and　Mary　Ingram；　most　beautiful　women；　I　suppose：　indeed　I　have　seen　Blanche；　six　or　seven　years　since；　when　she　was　a　girl　of　eighteen。　She　came　here　to　a　Christmas　ball　and　party　Mr。　Rochester　gave。　You　should　have　seen　the　dining…room　that　day—how　richly　it　was　decorated；　how　brilliantly　lit　up！　I　should　think　there　were　fifty　ladies　and　gentlemen　present—all　of　the　first　county　families；　and　Miss　Ingram　was　considered　the　belle　of　the　evening。”
“You　saw　her；　you　say；　Mrs。　Fairfax：　what　was　she　like？”
“Yes；　I　saw　her。　The　dining…room　doors　were　thrown　open；　and；　as　it　was　Christmas…time；　the　servants　were　allowed　to　assemble　in　the　hall；　to　hear　some　of　the　ladies　sing　and　play。　Mr。　Rochester　would　have　me　to　e　in；　and　I　sat　down　in　a　quiet　corner　and　watched　them。　I　never　saw　a　more　splendid　scene：　the　ladies　were　magnificently　dressed；　most　of　them—at　least　most　of　the　younger　ones—looked　handsome；　but　Miss　Ingram　was　certainly　the　queen。”
“And　what　was　she　like？”
“Tall；　fine　bust；　sloping　shoulders；　long；　graceful　neck：　olive　plexion；　dark　and　clear；　noble　features；　eyes　rather　like　Mr。　Rochester’s：　large　and　black；　and　as　brilliant　as　her　jewels。　And　then　she　had　such　a　fine　head　of　hair；　raven…black　and　so　beingly　arranged：　a　crown　of　thick　plaits　behind；　and　in　front　the　longest；　the　glossiest　curls　I　ever　saw。　She　was　dressed　in　pure　white；　an　amber…coloured　scarf　was　passed　over　her　shoulder　and　across　her　breast；　tied　at　the　side；　and　descending　in　long；　fringed　ends　below　her　knee。　She　wore　an　amber…coloured　flower；　too；　in　her　hair：　it　contrasted　well　with　the　jetty　mass　of　her　curls。”
“She　was　greatly　admired；　of　course？”
“Yes；　indeed：　and　not　only　for　her　beauty；　but　for　her　acplishments。　She　was　one　of　the　ladies　who　sang：　a　gentleman　acpanied　her　on　the　piano。　She　and　Mr。　Rochester　sang　a　duet。”
“Mr。　Rochester？　I　was　not　aware　he　could　sing。”
“Oh！　he　has　a　fine　bass　voice；　and　an　excellent　taste　for　music。”
“And　Miss　Ingram：　what　sort　of　a　voice　had　she？”
“A　very　rich　and　powerful　one：　she　sang　delightfully；　it　was　a　treat　to　listen　to　her；—and　she　played　afterwards。　I　am　no　judge　of　music；　but　Mr。　Rochester　is；　and　I　heard　him　say　her　execution　was　remarkably　good。”
“And　this　beautiful　and　acplished　lady；　she　is　not　yet　married？”
“It　appears　not：　I　fancy　neither　she　nor　her　sister　have　very　large　fortunes。　Old　Lord　Ingram’s　estates　were　chiefly　entailed；　and　the　eldest　son　came　in　for　everything　almost。”
“But　I　wonder　no　wealthy　nobleman　or　gentleman　has　taken　a　fancy　to　her：　Mr。　Rochester；　for　instance。　He　is　rich；　is　he　not？”
“Oh！　yes。　But　you　see　there　is　a　considerable　difference　in　age：　Mr。　Rochester　is　nearly　forty；　she　is　but　twenty…five。”
“What　of　that？　More　unequal　matches　are　made　every　day。”
“True：　yet　I　should　scarcely　fancy　Mr。　Rochester　would　entertain　an　idea　of　the　sort。　But　you　eat　nothing：　you　have　scarcely　tasted　since　you　began　tea。”
“No：　I　am　too　thirsty　to　eat。　Will　you　let　me　have　another　cup？”
I　was　about　again　to　revert　to　the　probability　of　a　union　between　Mr。　Rochester　and　the　beautiful　Blanche；　but　Adèle　came　in；　and　the　conversation　was　turned　into　another　channel。
When　once　more　alone；　I　reviewed　the　information　I　had　got；　looked　into　my　heart；　examined　its　thoughts　and　feelings；　and　endeavoured　to　bring　back　with　a　strict　hand　such　as　had　been　straying　through　imagination’s　boundless　and　trackless　waste；　into　the　safe　fold　of　mon　sense。
Arraigned　at　my　own　bar；　Memory　having　given　her　evidence　of　the　hopes；　wishes；　sentiments　I　had　been　cherishing　since　last　night—of　the　general　state　of　mind　in　which　I　had　indulged　for　nearly　a　fortnight　past；　Reason　having　e　forward　and　told；　in　her　own　quiet　way　a　plain；　unvarnished　tale；　showing　how　I　had　rejected　the　real；　and　rabidly　devoured　the　ideal；—I　pronounced　judgment　to　this　effect：—
That　a　greater　fool　than　Jane　Eyre　had　never　breathed　the　breath　of　life；　that　a　more　fantastic　idiot　had　never　surfeited　herself　on　sweet　lies；　and　swallowed　poison　as　if　it　were　nectar。
“You；”　I　said；　“a　favourite　with　Mr。　Rochester？　You　gifted　with　the　power　of　pleasing　him？　You　of　importance　to　him　in　any　way？　Go！　your　folly　sickens　me。　And　you　have　derived　pleasure　from　occasional　tokens　of　preference—equivocal　tokens　shown　by　a　gentleman　of　family　and　a　man　of　the　world　to　a　dependent　and　a　novice。　How　dared　you？　Poor　stupid　dupe！—Could　not　even　self…　interest　make　you　wiser？　You　repea