简爱(英文版)-第122部分

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ill　be　satisfied；　or　it　will　take　deadly　vengeance　on　its　frame。”
“Well；　sir；　I　will　stay　with　you：　I　have　said　so。”
“Yes—but　you　understand　one　thing　by　staying　with　me；　and　I　understand　another。　You；　perhaps；　could　make　up　your　mind　to　be　about　my　hand　and　chair—to　wait　on　me　as　a　kind　little　nurse　（for　you　have　an　affectionate　heart　and　a　generous　spirit；　which　prompt　you　to　make　sacrifices　for　those　you　pity）；　and　that　ought　to　suffice　for　me　no　doubt。　I　suppose　I　should　now　entertain　none　but　fatherly　feelings　for　you：　do　you　think　so？　e—tell　me。”
“I　will　think　what　you　like；　sir：　I　am　content　to　be　only　your　nurse；　if　you　think　it　better。”
“But　you　cannot　always　be　my　nurse；　Ja：　you　are　young—you　must　marry　one　day。”
“I　don’t　care　about　being　married。”
“You　should　care；　Ja：　if　I　were　what　I　once　was；　I　would　try　to　make　you　care—but—a　sightless　block！”
He　relapsed　again　into　gloom。　I；　on　the　contrary；　became　more　cheerful；　and　took　fresh　courage：　these　last　words　gave　me　an　insight　as　to　where　the　difficulty　lay；　and　as　it　was　no　difficulty　y　previous　embarrassment。　I　resumed　a　livelier　vein　of　conversation。
“It　is　time　some　one　undertook　to　rehumanise　you；”　said　I；　parting　his　thick　and　long　uncut　locks；　“for　I　see　you　are　being　metamorphosed　into　a　lion；　or　something　of　that　sort。　You　have　a　‘faux　air’　of　Nebuchadnezzar　in　the　fields　about　you；　that　is　certain：　your　hair　reminds　me　of　eagles’　feathers；　whether　your　nails　are　grown　like　birds’　claws　or　not；　I　have　not　yet　noticed。”
“On　this　arm；　I　have　neither　hand　nor　nails；”　he　said；　drawing　the　mutilated　limb　from　his　breast；　and　showing　it　to　me。　“It　is　a　mere　stump—a　ghastly　sight！　Don’t　you　think　so；　Jane？”
“It　is　a　pity　to　see　it；　and　a　pity　to　see　your　eyes—and　the　scar　of　fire　on　your　forehead：　and　the　worst　of　it　is；　one　is　in　danger　of　loving　you　too　well　for　all　this；　and　making　too　much　of　you。”
“I　thought　you　would　be　revolted；　Jane；　when　you　saw　my　arm；　and　my　cicatrised　visage。”
“Did　you？　Don’t　tell　me　so—lest　I　should　say　something　disparaging　to　your　judgment。　Now；　let　me　leave　you　an　instant；　to　make　a　better　fire；　and　have　the　hearth　swept　up。　Can　you　tell　when　there　is　a　good　fire？”
“Yes；　with　the　right　eye　I　see　a　glow—a　ruddy　haze。”
“And　you　see　the　candles？”
“Very　dimly—each　is　a　luminous　cloud。”
“Can　you　see　me？”
“No；　my　fairy：　but　I　am　only　too　thankful　to　hear　and　feel　you。”
“When　do　you　take　supper？”
“I　never　take　supper。”
“But　you　shall　have　some　to…night。　I　am　hungry：　so　are　you；　I　daresay；　only　you　forget。”
Summoning　Mary；　I　soon　had　the　room　in　more　cheerful　order：　I　prepared　him；　likewise；　a　fortable　repast。　My　spirits　were　excited；　and　with　pleasure　and　ease　I　talked　to　him　during　supper；　and　for　a　long　time　after。　There　was　no　harassing　restraint；　no　repressing　of　glee　and　vivacity　with　him；　for　with　him　I　was　at　perfect　ease；　because　I　knew　I　suited　him；　all　I　said　or　did　seemed　either　to　console　or　revive　him。　Delightful　consciousness！　It　brought　to　life　and　light　my　whole　nature：　in　his　presence　I　thoroughly　lived；　and　he　lived　in　mine。　Blind　as　he　was；　smiles　played　over　his　face；　joy　dawned　on　his　forehead：　his　lineaments　softened　and　warmed。
After　supper；　he　began　to　ask　me　many　questions；　of　where　I　had　been；　what　I　had　been　doing；　how　I　had　found　him　out；　but　I　gave　him　only　very　partial　replies：　it　was　too　late　to　enter　into　particulars　that　night。　Besides；　I　wished　to　touch　no　deep…　thrilling　chord—to　open　no　fresh　well　of　emotion　in　his　heart：　my　sole　present　aim　was　to　cheer　him。　Cheered；　as　I　have　said；　he　was：　and　yet　but　by　fits。　If　a　moment’s　silence　broke　the　conversation；　he　would　turn　restless；　touch　me；　then　say；　“Jane。”
“You　are　altogether　a　human　being；　Jane？　You　are　certain　of　that？”
“I　conscientiously　believe　so；　Mr。　Rochester。”
“Yet　how；　on　this　dark　and　doleful　evening；　could　you　so　suddenly　rise　on　my　lone　hearth？　I　stretched　my　hand　to　take　a　glass　of　water　from　a　hireling；　and　it　was　given　me　by　you：　I　asked　a　question；　expecting　John’s　wife　to　answer　me；　and　your　voice　spoke　at　my　ear。”
“Because　I　had　e　in；　in　Mary’s　stead；　with　the　tray。”
“And　there　is　enchantment　in　the　very　hour　I　am　now　spending　with　you。　Who　can　tell　what　a　dark；　dreary；　hopeless　life　I　have　dragged　on　for　months　past？　Doing　nothing；　expecting　nothing；　merging　night　in　day；　feeling　but　the　sensation　of　cold　when　I　let　the　fire　go　out；　of　hunger　when　I　forgot　to　eat：　and　then　a　ceaseless　sorrow；　and；　at　times；　a　very　delirium　of　desire　to　behold　my　Jane　again。　Yes：　for　her　restoration　I　longed；　far　more　than　for　that　of　my　lost　sight。　How　can　it　be　that　Jane　is　with　me；　and　says　she　loves　me？　Will　she　not　depart　as　suddenly　as　she　came？　To…morrow；　I　fear　I　shall　find　her　no　more。”
A　monplace；　practical　reply；　out　of　the　train　of　his　own　disturbed　ideas；　was；　I　was　sure；　the　best　and　most　reassuring　for　him　in　this　frame　of　mind。　I　passed　my　finger　over　his　eyebrows；　and　remarked　that　they　were　scorched；　and　that　I　would　apply　something　which　would　make　them　grow　as　broad　and　black　as　ever。
“Where　is　the　use　of　doing　me　good　in　any　way；　beneficent　spirit；　when；　at　some　fatal　moment；　you　will　again　desert　me—passing　like　a　shadow；　whither　and　how　to　me　unknown；　and　for　me　remaining　afterwards　undiscoverable？
“Have　you　a　pocket…b　about　you；　sir？”
“What　for；　Jane？”
“Just　to　b　out　this　shaggy　black　mane。　I　find　you　rather　alarming；　when　I　examine　you　close　at　hand：　you　talk　of　my　being　a　fairy；　but　I　am　sure；　you　are　more　like　a　brownie。”
“Am　I　hideous；　Jane？”
“Very；　sir：　you　always　were；　you　know。”
“Humph！　The　wickedness　has　not　been　taken　out　of　you；　wherever　you　have　sojourned。”
“Yet　I　have　been　with　good　people；　far　better　than　you：　a　hundred　times　better　people；　possessed　of　ideas　and　views　you　never　entertained　in　your　life：　quite　more　refined　and　exalted。”
“Who　the　deuce　have　you　been　with？”
“If　you　twist　in　that　way　you　will　make　me　pull　the　hair　out　of　your　head；　and　then　I　think　you　will　cease　to　entertain　doubts　of　my　substantiality。”
“Who　have　you　been　with；　Jane？”
“You　shall　not　get　it　out　of　me　to…night；　sir；　you　must　wait　till　to…morrow；　to　leave　my　tale　half　told；　will；　you　know；　be　a　sort　of　security　that　I　shall　appear　at　your　breakfast　table　to　finish　it。　By　the　bye；　I　must　mind　not　to　rise　on　your　hearth　with　only　a　glass　of　water　then：　I　must　bring　an　egg　at　the　least；　to　say　nothing　of　fried　ham。”
“You　mocking　changeling—fairy…born　and　human…bred！　You　make　me　feel　as　I　have　not　felt　these　twelve　months。　If　Saul　could　have　had　you　for　his　David；　the　evil　spirit　would　have　been　exorcised　without　the　aid　of　the　harp。”
“There；　sir；　you　are　redd　up　and　made　decent。　Now　I’ll　leave　you：　I　have　been　travelling　these　last　three　days；　and　I　believe　I　am　tired。　Good　night。”
“Just　one　word；　Jane：　were　there　only　ladies　in　the　house　where　you　have　been？”
I　laughed　and　made　my　escape；　still　laughing　as　I　ran　upstairs。　“A　good　idea！”　I　thought　with　glee。　“I　see　I　have　the　means　of　fretting　him　out　of　his　melancholy　for　some　time　to　e。”
Very　early　the　next　morning　I　heard　him　up　and　astir；　wandering　from　one　room　to　another。　As　soon　as　Mary　came　doiss　Eyre　here？”　Then：　“Which　room　did　you　put　her　into？　Was　it　dry？　Is　she　up？　Go　and　ask　if　she　wants　anything；　and　when　she　will　e　down。”
I　came　down　as　soon　as　I　thought　there　was　a　prospect　of　breakfast。　Entering　the　room　very　softly；　I　had　a　view　of　him　before　he　discovered　my　presence。　It　was　mournful；　indeed；　to　witness　the　subjugation　of　that　vigorous　spirit　to　a　corporeal　infirmity。　He　sat　in　his　chair—still；　but　not　at　rest：　expectant　evidently；　the　lines　of　now　habitual　sadness　marking　his　strong　features。　His　countenance　reminded　one　of　a　lamp　quenched；　waiting　to　be　re…lit—　and　alas！　it　was　not　himself　that　could　now　kindle　the　lustre　of　animated　expression：　he　was　dependent　on　another　for　that　office！　I　had　meant　to　be　gay　and　careless；　but　the　powerlessness　of　the　strong　man　touched　my　heart　to　the　quick：　still　I　accosted　him　with　what　vivacity　I　could。
“It　is　a　bright；　sunny　morning；　sir；”　I　said。　“The　rain　is　over　and