简爱(英文版)-第108部分

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“Tell　me　where　I　can　get　you　a　glass　of　water；”　said　St。　John；　“you　must　really　make　an　effort　to　tranquillise　your　feelings。”
“Nonsense！　and　what　sort　of　an　effect　will　the　bequest　have　on　you？　Will　it　keep　you　in　England；　induce　you　to　marry　Miss　Oliver；　and　settle　down　like　an　ordinary　mortal？”
“You　wander：　your　head　bees　confused。　I　have　been　too　abrupt　in　municating　the　news；　it　has　excited　you　beyond　your　strength。”
“Mr。　Rivers！　you　quite　put　me　out　of　patience：　I　am　rational　enough；　it　is　you　who　misunderstand；　or　rather　who　affect　to　misunderstand。”
“Perhaps；　if　you　explained　yourself　a　little　more　fully；　I　should　prehend　better。”
“Explain！　What　is　there　to　explain？　You　cannot　fail　to　see　that　twenty　thousand　pounds；　the　sum　in　question；　divided　equally　between　the　nephew　and　three　nieces　of　our　uncle；　will　give　five　thousand　to　each？　What　I　want　is；　that　you　should　write　to　your　sisters　and　tell　them　of　the　fortune　that　has　accrued　to　them。”
“To　you；　you　mean。”
“I　have　intimated　my　view　of　the　case：　I　am　incapable　of　taking　any　other。　I　am　not　brutally　selfish；　blindly　unjust；　or　fiendishly　ungrateful。　Besides；　I　am　resolved　I　will　have　a　home　and　connections。　I　like　Moor　House；　and　I　will　live　at　Moor　House；　I　like　Diana　and　Mary；　and　I　will　attach　myself　for　life　to　Diana　and　Mary。　It　would　please　and　benefit　me　to　have　five　thousand　pounds；　it　would　torment　and　oppress　me　to　have　twenty　thousand；　which；　moreover；　could　never　be　mine　in　justice；　though　it　might　in　law。　I　abandon　to　you；　then；　what　is　absolutely　superfluous　to　me。　Let　there　be　no　opposition；　and　no　discussion　about　it；　let　us　agree　amongst　each　other；　and　decide　the　point　at　once。”
“This　is　acting　on　first　impulses；　you　must　take　days　to　consider　such　a　matter；　ere　your　word　can　be　regarded　as　valid。”
“Oh！　if　all　you　doubt　is　my　sincerity；　I　am　easy：　you　see　the　justice　of　the　case？”
“I　do　see　a　certain　justice；　but　it　is　contrary　to　all　custom。　Besides；　the　entire　fortune　is　your　right：　my　uncle　gained　it　by　his　own　efforts；　he　was　free　to　leave　it　to　whom　he　would：　he　left　it　to　you。　After　all；　justice　permits　you　to　keep　it：　you　may；　with　a　clear　conscience；　consider　it　absolutely　your　own。”
“With　me；”　said　I；　“it　is　fully　as　much　a　matter　of　feeling　as　of　conscience：　I　must　indulge　my　feelings；　I　so　seldom　have　had　an　opportunity　of　doing　so。　Were　you　to　argue；　object；　and　annoy　me　for　a　year；　I　could　not　forego　the　delicious　pleasure　of　which　I　have　caught　a　glimpse—that　of　repaying；　in　part；　a　mighty　obligation；　and　winning　to　myself　lifelong　friends。”
“You　think　so　now；”　rejoined　St。　John；　“because　you　do　not　know　what　it　is　to　possess；　nor　consequently　to　enjoy　wealth：　you　cannot　form　a　notion　of　the　importance　twenty　thousand　pounds　would　give　you；　of　the　place　it　would　enable　you　to　take　in　society；　of　the　prospects　it　would　open　to　you：　you　cannot—”
“And　you；”　I　interrupted；　“cannot　at　all　imagine　the　craving　I　have　for　fraternal　and　sisterly　love。　I　never　had　a　home；　I　never　had　brothers　or　sisters；　I　must　and　will　have　them　now：　you　are　not　reluctant　to　admit　me　and　own　me；　are　you？”
“Jane；　I　will　be　your　brother—my　sisters　will　be　your　sisters—　without　stipulating　for　this　sacrifice　of　your　just　rights。”
“Brother？　Yes；　at　the　distance　of　a　thousand　leagues！　Sisters？　Yes；　slaving　amongst　strangers！　I；　wealthy—gorged　with　gold　I　never　earned　and　do　not　merit！　You；　penniless！　Famous　equality　and　fraternisation！　Close　union！　Intimate　attachment！”
“But；　Jane；　your　aspirations　after　family　ties　and　domestic　happiness　may　be　realised　otherwise　than　by　the　means　you　contemplate：　you　may　marry。”
“Nonsense；　again！　Marry！　I　don’t　want　to　marry；　and　never　shall　marry。”
“That　is　saying　too　much：　such　hazardous　affirmations　are　a　proof　of　the　excitement　under　which　you　labour。”
“It　is　not　saying　too　much：　I　know　what　I　feel；　and　how　averse　are　my　inclinations　to　the　bare　thought　of　marriage。　No　one　would　take　me　for　love；　and　I　will　not　be　regarded　in　the　light　of　a　mere　money　speculation。　And　I　do　not　want　a　stranger—unsympathising；　alien；　different　from　me；　I　want　my　kindred：　those　with　whom　I　have　full　fellow…feeling。　Say　again　you　will　be　my　brother：　when　you　uttered　the　words　I　was　satisfied；　happy；　repeat　them；　if　you　can；　repeat　them　sincerely。”
“I　think　I　can。　I　know　I　have　always　loved　my　own　sisters；　and　I　know　on　what　my　affection　for　them　is　grounded；—respect　for　their　worth　and　admiration　of　their　talents。　You　too　have　principle　and　mind：　your　tastes　and　habits　resemble　Diana’s　and　Mary’s；　your　presence　is　always　agreeable　to　me；　in　your　conversation　I　have　already　for　some　time　found　a　salutary　solace。　I　feel　I　can　easily　and　naturally　make　room　in　my　heart　for　you；　as　my　third　and　youngest　sister。”
“Thank　you：　that　contents　me　for　to…night。　Now　you　had　better　go；　for　if　you　stay　longer；　you　will　perhaps　irritate　me　afresh　by　some　mistrustful　scruple。”
“And　the　school；　Miss　Eyre？　It　must　now　be　shut　up；　I　suppose？”
“No。　I　will　retain　my　post　of　mistress　till　you　get　a　substitute。”
He　smiled　approbation：　we　shook　hands；　and　he　took　leave。
I　need　not　narrate　in　detail　the　further　struggles　I　had；　and　arguments　I　used；　to　get　matters　regarding　the　legacy　settled　as　I　wished。　My　task　was　a　very　hard　one；　but；　as　I　was　absolutely　resolved—as　my　cousins　saw　at　length　that　my　mind　was　really　and　immutably　fixed　on　making　a　just　division　of　the　property—as　they　must　in　their　own　hearts　have　felt　the　equity　of　the　intention；　and　must；　besides；　have　been　innately　conscious　that　in　my　place　they　would　have　done　precisely　what　I　wished　to　do—they　yielded　at　length　so　far　as　to　consent　to　put　the　affair　to　arbitration。　The　judges　chosen　were　Mr。　Oliver　and　an　able　lawyer：　both　coincided　in　my　opinion：　I　carried　my　point。　The　instruments　of　transfer　were　drawn　out：　St。　John；　Diana；　Mary；　and　I；　each　became　possessed　of　a　petency。
Chapter　33
It　was　near　Christmas　by　the　time　all　was　settled：　the　season　of　general　holiday　approached。　I　now　closed　Morton　school；　taking　care　that　the　parting　should　not　be　barren　on　my　side。　Good　fortune　opens　the　hand　as　well　as　the　heart　wonderfully；　and　to　give　somewhat　when　we　have　largely　received；　is　but　to　afford　a　vent　to　the　unusual　ebullition　of　the　sensations。　I　had　long　felt　with　pleasure　that　many　of　my　rustic　scholars　liked　me；　and　when　we　parted；　that　consciousness　was　confirmed：　they　manifested　their　affection　plainly　and　strongly。　Deep　was　my　gratification　to　find　I　had　really　a　place　in　their　unsophisticated　hearts：　I　promised　them　that　never　a　week　should　pass　in　future　that　I　did　not　visit　them；　and　give　them　an　hour’s　teaching　in　their　school。
Mr。　Rivers　came　up　as；　having　seen　the　classes；　now　numbering　sixty　girls；　file　out　before　me；　and　locked　the　door；　I　stood　with　the　key　in　my　hand；　exchanging　a　few　words　of　special　farewell　with　some　half…dozen　of　my　best　scholars：　as　decent；　respectable；　modest；　and　well…informed　young　women　as　could　be　found　in　the　ranks　of　the　British　peasantry。　And　that　is　saying　a　great　deal；　for　after　all；　the　British　peasantry　are　the　best　taught；　best　mannered；　most　self…　respecting　of　any　in　Europe：　since　those　days　I　have　seen　paysannes　and　Bauerinnen；　and　the　best　of　them　seemed　to　me　ignorant；　coarse；　and　besotted；　pared　with　my　Morton　girls。
“Do　you　consider　you　have　got　your　reward　for　a　season　of　exertion？”　asked　Mr。　Rivers；　when　they　were　gone。　“Does　not　the　consciousness　of　having　done　some　real　good　in　your　day　and　generation　give　pleasure？”
“Doubtless。”
“And　you　have　only　toiled　a　few　months！　Would　not　a　life　devoted　to　the　task　of　regenerating　your　race　be　well　spent？”
“Yes；”　I　said；　“but　I　could　not　go　on　for　ever　so：　I　want　to　enjoy　my　own　faculties　as　well　as　to　cultivate　those　of　other　people。　I　must　enjoy　them　now；　don’t　recall　either　my　mind　or　body　to　the　school；　I　am　out　of　it　and　disposed　for　full　holiday。”
He　looked　grave。　“What　now？　What　sudden　eagerness　is　this　you　evince？　What　are　you　going　to　do？”
“To　be　active：　as　active　as　I　can。　And　first　I　must　beg　you　to　set　Hannah　at　liberty；　and　get　somebody　else　to　wait　on　you。”
“Do　you　w