little dorrit-信丽(英文版)-第62部分

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Highly　gratified　by　the　kindness　of　his　reception；　Young　John　descended
the　staircase。　On　his　way　down　he　met　some　Collegians　bringing　up
visitors　to　be　presented；　and　at　that　moment　Mr　Dorrit　happened　to　call
over　the　banisters　with　particular　distinctness；　'Much　obliged　to　you
for　your　little　testimonial；　John！'

Little　Dorrit's　lover　very　soon　laid　down　his　penny　on　the　tollplate　of
the　Iron　Bridge；　and　came　upon　it　looking　about　him　for　the　well…known
and　well…beloved　figure。　At　first　he　feared　she　was　not　there；　but　as　he
walked　on　towards　the　Middlesex　side；　he　saw　her　standing　still；　looking
at　the　water。　She　was　absorbed　in　thought；　and　he　wondered　what
she　might　be　thinking　about。　There　were　the　piles　of　city　roofs　and
chimneys；　more　free　from　smoke　than　on　week…days；　and　there　were　the
distant　masts　and　steeples。　Perhaps　she　was　thinking　about　them。

Little　Dorrit　mused　so　long；　and　was　so　entirely　preoccupied；　that
although　her　lover　stood　quiet　for　what　he　thought　was　a　long　time；　and
twice　or　thrice　retired　and　came　back　again　to　the　former　spot；　still
she　did　not　move。　So；　in　the　end；　he　made　up　his　mind　to　go　on；　and　seem
to　e　upon　her　casually　in　passing；　and　speak　to　her。　The　place　was
quiet；　and　now　or　never　was　the　time　to　speak　to　her。

He　walked　on；　and　she　did　not　appear　to　hear　his　steps　until　he　was
close　upon　her。　When　he　said　'Miss　Dorrit！'　she　started　and　fell　back
from　him；　with　an　expression　in　her　face　of　fright　and　something　like
dislike　that　caused　him　unutterable　dismay。　She　had　often　avoided　him
before……always；　indeed；　for　a　long；　long　while。　She　had　turned　away　and
glided　off　so　often　when　she　had　seen　him　ing　toward　her；　that　the
unfortunate　Young　John　could　not　think　it　accidental。　But　he　had　hoped
that　it　might　be　shyness；　her　retiring　character；　her　foreknowledge　of
the　state　of　his　heart；　anything　short　of　aversion。　Now；　that　momentary
look　had　said；　'You；　of　all　people！　I　would　rather　have　seen　any　one　on
earth　than　you！'

It　was　but　a　momentary　look；　inasmuch　as　she　checked　it；　and　said　in　her
soft　little　voice；　'Oh；　Mr　John！　Is　it　you？'　But　she　felt　what　it　had
been；　as　he　felt　what　it　had　been；　and　they　stood　looking　at　one　another
equally　confused。

'Miss　Amy；　I　am　afraid　I　disturbed　you　by　speaking　to　you。'

'Yes；　rather。　I……I　came　here　to　be　alone；　and　I　thought　I　was。'

'Miss　Amy；　I　took　the　liberty　of　walking　this　way；　because　Mr　Dorrit
chanced　to　mention；　when　I　called　upon　him　just　now；　that　you……'

She　caused　him　more　dismay　than　before　by　suddenly　murmuring；　'O　father；
father！'　in　a　heartrending　tone；　and　turning　her　face　away。

'Miss　Amy；　I　hope　I　don't　give　you　any　uneasiness　by　naming　Mr　Dorrit。
I　assure　you　I　found　him　very　well　and　in　the　best　of　Spirits；　and　he
showed　me　even　more　than　his　usual　kindness；　being　so　very　kind　as　to
say　that　I　was　not　a　stranger　there；　and　in　all　ways　gratifying　me　very
much。'

To　the　inexpressible　consternation　of　her　lover；　Little　Dorrit；　with　her
hands　to　her　averted　face；　and　rocking　herself　where　she　stood　as　if　she
were　in　pain；　murmured；　'O　father；　how　can　you！　O　dear；　dear　father；　how
can　you；　can　you；　do　it！'

The　poor　fellow　stood　gazing　at　her；　overflowing　with　sympathy；　but　not
knowing　what　to　make　of　this；　until；　having　taken　out　her　handkerchief
and　put　it　to　her　still　averted　face；　she　hurried　away。　At　first　he
remained　stock　still；　then　hurried　after　her。

'Miss　Amy；　pray！　Will　you　have　the　goodness　to　stop　a　moment？　Miss　Amy；
if　it　es　to　that；　let　ME　go。　I　shall　go　out　of　my　senses；　if　I　have
to　think　that　I　have　driven　you　away　like　this。'

His　trembling　voice　and　unfeigned　earnestness　brought　Little　Dorrit　to
a　stop。　'Oh；　I　don't　know　what　to　do；'　she　cried；　'I　don't　know　what　to
do！'

To　Young　John；　who　had　never　seen　her　bereft　of　her　quiet　self…mand；
who　had　seen　her　from　her　infancy　ever　so　reliable　and　self…suppressed；
there　was　a　shock　in　her　distress；　and　in　having　to　associate　himself
with　it　as　its　cause；　that　shook　him　from　his　great　hat　to　the
pavement。　He　felt　it　necessary　to　explain　himself。　He　might　be
misunderstood……supposed　to　mean　something；　or　to　have　done　something；
that　had　never　entered　into　his　imagination。　He　begged　her　to　hear　him
explain　himself；　as　the　greatest　favour　she　could　show　him。

'Miss　Amy；　I　know　very　well　that　your　family　is　far　above　mine。　It　were
vain　to　conceal　it。　There　never　was　a　Chivery　a　gentleman　that　ever
I　heard　of；　and　I　will　not　mit　the　meanness　of　making　a　false
representation　on　a　subject　so　momentous。　Miss　Amy；　I　know　very　well
that　your　high…souled　brother；　and　likewise　your　spirited　sister；　spurn
me　from　a　height。　What　I　have　to　do　is　to　respect　them；　to　wish　to　be
admitted　to　their　friendship；　to　look　up　at　the　eminence　on　which　they
are　placed　from　my　lowlier　station……for；　whether　viewed　as　tobacco　or
viewed　as　the　lock；　I　well　know　it　is　lowly……and　ever　wish　them　well　and
happy。'

There　really　was　a　genuineness　in　the　poor　fellow；　and　a　contrast
between　the　hardness　of　his　hat　and　the　softness　of　his　heart　（albeit；
perhaps；　of　his　head；　too）；　that　was　moving。　Little　Dorrit　entreated　him
to　disparage　neither　himself　nor　his　station；　and；　above　all　things；　to
divest　himself　of　any　idea　that　she　supposed　hers　to　be　superior。　This
gave　him　a　little　fort。

'Miss　Amy；'　he　then　stammered；　'I　have　had　for　a　long　time……ages　they
seem　to　me……Revolving　ages……a　heart…cherished　wish　to　say　something　to
you。　May　I　say　it？'

Little　Dorrit　involuntarily　started　from　his　side　again；　with　the
faintest　shadow　of　her　former　look；　conquering　that；　she　went　on　at
great　speed　half　across　the　Bridge　without　replying！

'May　I……Miss　Amy；　I　but　ask　the　question　humbly……may　I　say　it？　I　have
been　so　unlucky　already　in　giving　you　pain　without　having　any　such
intentions；　before　the　holy　Heavens！　that　there　is　no　fear　of　my　saying
it　unless　I　have　your　leave。　I　can　be　miserable　alone；　I　can　be　cut　up
by　myself；　why　should　I　also　make　miserable　and　cut　up　one　that　I　would
fling　myself　off　that　parapet　to　give　half　a　moment's　joy　to！　Not　that
that's　much　to　do；　for　I'd　do　it　for　twopence。'

The　mournfulness　of　his　spirits；　and　the　gorgeousness　of　his　appearance；
might　have　made　him　ridiculous；　but　that　his　delicacy　made　him
respectable。　Little　Dorrit　learnt　from　it　what　to　do。

'If　you　please；　John　Chivery；'　she　returned；　trembling；　but　in　a　quiet
way；　'since　you　are　so　considerate　as　to　ask　me　whether　you　shall　say
any　more……if　you　please；　no。'

'Never；　Miss　Amy？'

'No；　if　you　please。　Never。'

'O　Lord！'　gasped　Young　John。

'But　perhaps　you　will　let　me；　instead；　say　something　to　you。　I　want
to　say　it　earnestly；　and　with　as　plain　a　meaning　as　it　is　possible　to
express。　When　you　think　of　us；　John……I　mean　my　brother；　and　sister；
and　me……don't　think　of　us　as　being　any　different　from　the　rest；　for；
whatever　we　once　were　（which　I　hardly　know）　we　ceased　to　be　long　ago；
and　never　can　be　any　more。　It　will　be　much　better　for　you；　and　much
better　for　others；　if　you　will　do　that　instead　of　what　you　are　doing
now。'

Young　John　dolefully　protested　that　he　would　try　to　bear　it　in　mind；　and
would　be　heartily　glad　to　do　anything　she　wished。

'As　to　me；'　said　Little　Dorrit；　'think　as　little　of　me　as　you　can；　the
less；　the　better。　When　you　think　of　me　at　all；　John；　let　it　only　be　as
the　child　you　have　seen　grow　up　in　the　prison　with　one　set　of　duties
always　occupying　her；　as　a　weak；　retired；　contented；　unprotected　girl。　I
particularly　want　you　to　remember；　that　when　I　e　outside　the　gate；　I
am　unprotected　and　solitary。'

He　would　try　to　do　anything　she　wished。　But　why　did　Miss　Amy　so　much
want　him　to　remember　that？

'Because；'　returned　Little　Dorrit；　'I　know　I　can　then　quite　trust　you
not　to　forget　to…day；　and　not　to　say　any　more　to　me。　You　are　so　generous
that　I　know　I　can　trust　to　you　for　that；　and　I　do　and　I　always　will。　I
am　going　to　show　you；　at　once；　that　I　fully　trust　you。　I　like　this　place
where　we　are　speaking　better　than　any　place　I　know；'　her　slight　colour
had　faded；　but　her　lover　thought　he　saw　it　ing　back　just　then；　'and　I
may　be　often　here。　I　know　it　is