little dorrit-信丽(英文版)-第44部分

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feet　screwed　back　in　infancy　is　quite　surprising；　what　a　traveller　you
are！'

In　his　ridiculous　distress；　Clennam　received　another　of　the　old　glances
without　in　the　least　knowing　what　to　do　with　it。

'Dear　dear；'　said　Flora；　'only　to　think　of　the　changes　at　home
Arthur……cannot　overe　it；　and　seems　so　natural；　Mr　Clennam　far　more
proper……since　you　became　familiar　with　the　Chinese　customs　and　language
which　I　am　persuaded　you　speak　like　a　Native　if　not　better　for　you　were
always　quick　and　clever　though　immensely　difficult　no　doubt；　I　am　sure
the　tea　chests　alone　would　kill　me　if　I　tried；　such　changes　Arthur……I
am　doing　it　again；　seems　so　natural；　most　improper……as　no　one　could　have
believed；　who　could　have　ever　imagined　Mrs　Finching　when　I　can't　imagine
it　myself！'

'Is　that　your　married　name？'　asked　Arthur；　struck；　in　the　midst　of　all
this；　by　a　certain　warmth　of　heart　that　expressed　itself　in　her　tone
when　she　referred；　however　oddly；　to　the　youthful　relation　in　which　they
had　stood　to　one　another。　'Finching？'

'Finching　oh　yes　isn't　it　a　dreadful　name；　but　as　Mr　F。　said　when　he
proposed　to　me　which　he　did　seven　times　and　handsomely　consented　I　must
say　to　be　what　he　used　to　call　on　liking　twelve　months；　after　all；　he
wasn't　answerable　for　it　and　couldn't　help　it　could　he；　Excellent　man；
not　at　all　like　you　but　excellent　man！'

Flora　had　at　last　talked　herself　out　of　breath　for　one　moment。　One
moment；　for　she　recovered　breath　in　the　act　of　raising　a　minute　corner
of　her　pocket…handkerchief　to　her　eye；　as　a　tribute　to　the　ghost　of　the
departed　Mr　F。；　and　began　again。

'No　one　could　dispute；　Arthur……Mr　Clennam……that　it's　quite　right　you
should　be　formally　friendly　to　me　under　the　altered　circumstances　and
indeed　you　couldn't　be　anything　else；　at　least　I　suppose　not　you　ought
to　know；　but　I　can't　help　recalling　that　there　was　a　time　when　things
were　very　different。'

'My　dear　Mrs　Finching；'　Arthur　began；　struck　by　the　good　tone　again。

'Oh　not　that　nasty　ugly　name；　say　Flora！'

'Flora。　I　assure　you；　Flora；　I　am　happy　in　seeing　you　once　more；　and　in
finding　that；　like　me；　you　have　not　forgotten　the　old　foolish　dreams；
when　we　saw　all　before　us　in　the　light　of　our　youth　and　hope。'

'You　don't　seem　so；'　pouted　Flora；　'you　take　it　very　coolly；　but
however　I　know　you　are　disappointed　in　me；　I　suppose　the　Chinese
ladies……Mandarinesses　if　you　call　them　so……are　the　cause　or　perhaps　I　am
the　cause　myself；　it's　just　as　likely。'

'No；　no；'　Clennam　entreated；　'don't　say　that。'

'Oh　I　must　you　know；'　said　Flora；　in　a　positive　tone；　'what　nonsense　not
to；　I　know　I　am　not　what　you　expected；　I　know　that　very　well。'

In　the　midst　of　her　rapidity；　she　had　found　that　out　with　the　quick
perception　of　a　cleverer　woman。　The　inconsistent　and　profoundly
unreasonable　way　in　which　she　instantly　went　on；　nevertheless；　to
interweave　their　long…abandoned　boy　and　girl　relations　with　their
present　interview；　made　Clennam　feel　as　if　he　were　light…headed。

'One　remark；'　said　Flora；　giving　their　conversation；　without　the
slightest　notice　and　to　the　great　terror　of　Clennam；　the　tone　of　a
love…quarrel；　'I　wish　to　make；　one　explanation　I　wish　to　offer；　when
your　Mama　came　and　made　a　scene　of　it　with　my　Papa　and　when　I　was　called
down　into　the　little　breakfast…room　where　they　were　looking　at　one
another　with　your　Mama's　parasol　between　them　seated　on　two　chairs　like
mad　bulls　what　was　I　to　do？'

'My　dear　Mrs　Finching；'　urged　Clennam……'all　so　long　ago　and　so　long
concluded；　is　it　worth　while　seriously　to……'

'I　can't　Arthur；'　returned　Flora；　'be　denounced　as　heartless　by　the
whole　society　of　China　without　setting　myself　right　when　I　have　the
opportunity　of　doing　so；　and　you　must　be　very　well　aware　that　there
was　Paul　and　Virginia　which　had　to　be　returned　and　which　was　returned
without　note　or　ment；　not　that　I　mean　to　say　you　could　have　written
to　me　watched　as　I　was　but　if　it　had　only　e　back　with　a　red　wafer　on
the　cover　I　should　have　known　that　it　meant　e　to　Pekin　Nankeen　and
What's　the　third　place；　barefoot。'

'My　dear　Mrs　Finching；　you　were　not　to　blame；　and　I　never　blamed　you。
We　were　both　too　young；　too　dependent　and　helpless；　to　do　anything　but
accept　our　separation。……Pray　think　how　long　ago；'　gently　remonstrated
Arthur。　'One　more　remark；'　proceeded　Flora　with　unslackened　volubility；
'I　wish　to　make；　one　more　explanation　I　wish　to　offer；　for　five　days　I
had　a　cold　in　the　head　from　crying　which　I　passed　entirely　in　the　back
drawing…room……there　is　the　back　drawing…room　still　on　the　first　floor
and　still　at　the　back　of　the　house　to　confirm　my　words……when　that　dreary
period　had　passed　a　lull　succeeded　years　rolled　on　and　Mr　F。　became
acquainted　with　us　at　a　mutual　friend's；　he　was　all　attention　he　called
next　day　he　soon　began　to　call　three　evenings　a　week　and　to　send
in　little　things　for　supper　it　was　not　love　on　Mr　F。's　part　it　was
adoration；　Mr　F。　proposed　with　the　full　approval　of　Papa　and　what　could
I　do？'

'Nothing　whatever；'　said　Arthur；　with　the　cheerfulest　readiness；　'but
what　you　did。　Let　an　old　friend　assure　you　of　his　full　conviction　that
you　did　quite　right。'

'One　last　remark；'　proceeded　Flora；　rejecting　monplace　life　with　a
wave　of　her　hand；　'I　wish　to　make；　one　last　explanation　I　wish　to　offer；
there　was　a　time　ere　Mr　F。　first　paid　attentions　incapable　of　being
mistaken；　but　that　is　past　and　was　not　to　be；　dear　Mr　Clennam　you　no
longer　wear　a　golden　chain　you　are　free　I　trust　you　may　be　happy；　here
is　Papa　who　is　always　tiresome　and　putting　in　his　nose　everywhere　where
he　is　not　wanted。'

With　these　words；　and　with　a　hasty　gesture　fraught　with　timid
caution……such　a　gesture　had　Clennam's　eyes　been　familiar　with　in　the　old
time……poor　Flora　left　herself　at　eighteen　years　of　age；　a　long　long　way
behind　again；　and　came　to　a　full　stop　at　last。

Or　rather；　she　left　about　half　of　herself　at　eighteen　years　of　age
behind；　and　grafted　the　rest　on　to　the　relict　of　the　late　Mr　F。；　thus
making　a　moral　mermaid　of　herself；　which　her　once　boy…lover　contemplated
with　feelings　wherein　his　sense　of　the　sorrowful　and　his　sense　of　the
ical　were　curiously　blended。

For　example。　As　if　there　were　a　secret　understanding　between　herself
and　Clennam　of　the　most　thrilling　nature；　as　if　the　first　of　a　train　of
post…chaises　and　four；　extending　all　the　way　to　Scotland；　were　at　that
moment　round　the　corner；　and　as　if　she　couldn't　（and　wouldn't）　have
walked　into　the　Parish　Church　with　him；　under　the　shade　of　the　family
umbrella；　with　the　Patriarchal　blessing　on　her　head；　and　the　perfect
concurrence　of　all　mankind；　Flora　forted　her　soul　with　agonies　of
mysterious　signalling；　expressing　dread　of　discovery。　With　the　sensation
of　being　more　and　more　light…headed　every　minute；　Clennam　saw　the
relict　of　the　late　Mr　F。　enjoying　herself　in　the　most　wonderful　manner；
by　putting　herself　and　him　in　their　old　places；　and　going　through　all
the　old　performances……now；　when　the　stage　was　dusty；　when　the　scenery
was　faded；　when　the　youthful　actors　were　dead；　when　the　orchestra　was
empty；　when　the　lights　were　out。　And　still；　through　all　this　grotesque
revival　of　what　he　remembered　as　having　once　been　prettily　natural　to
her；　he　could　not　but　feel　that　it　revived　at　sight　of　him；　and　that
there　was　a　tender　memory　in　it。

The　Patriarch　insisted　on　his　staying　to　dinner；　and　Flora　signalled
'Yes！'　Clennam　so　wished　he　could　have　done　more　than　stay　to　dinner……so
heartily　wished　he　could　have　found　the　Flora　that　had　been；　or　that
never　had　been……that　he　thought　the　least　atonement　he　could　make　for
the　disappointment　he　almost　felt　ashamed　of；　was　to　give　himself　up　to
the　family　desire。　Therefore；　he　stayed　to　dinner。

Pancks　dined　with　them。　Pancks　steamed　out　of　his　little　dock　at　a
quarter　before　six；　and　bore　straight　down　for　the　Patriarch；　who
happened　to　be　then　driving；　in　an　inane　manner；　through　a　stagnant
account　of　Bleeding　Heart　Yard。　Pancks　instantly　made　fast　to　him　and
hauled　him　out。

'Bleeding　Heart　Yard？'　said　Pancks；　with　a　puff　and　a　snort。　'It's　a
troublesome　property。　Don't　pay　you　badly；　but　rents　are　very　hard　to
get　there。　You　have　mor