little dorrit-信丽(英文版)-第102部分

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you　go　your　own　way；　and　the　consequences　are　on　your　own　head）；　I　will
say　this　much：　that　I　shape　my　course　by　pilots；　strictly　by　proved　and
tried　pilots；　under　whom　I　cannot　be　shipwrecked……can　not　be……and　that
if　I　were　unmindful　of　the　admonition　conveyed　in　those　three　letters；　I
should　not　be　half　as　chastened　as　I　am。'

It　was　curious　how　she　seized　the　occasion　to　argue　with　some　invisible
opponent。　Perhaps　with　her　own　better　sense；　always　turning　upon　herself
and　her　own　deception。

'If　I　forgot　my　ignorances　in　my　life　of　health　and　freedom；　I　might
plain　of　the　life　to　which　I　am　now　condemned。　I　never　do；　I　never
have　done。　If　I　forgot　that　this　scene；　the　Earth；　is　expressly　meant　to
be　a　scene　of　gloom；　and　hardship；　and　dark　trial；　for　the　creatures　who
are　made　out　of　its　dust；　I　might　have　some　tenderness　for　its　vanities。
But　I　have　no　such　tenderness。　If　I　did　not　know　that　we　are；　every　one；
the　subject　（most　justly　the　subject）　of　a　wrath　that　must　be　satisfied；
and　against　which　mere　actions　are　nothing；　I　might　repine　at　the
difference　between　me；　imprisoned　here；　and　the　people　who　pass　that
gateway　yonder。　But　I　take　it　as　a　grace　and　favour　to　be　elected　to
make　the　satisfaction　I　am　making　here；　to　know　what　I　know　for　certain
here；　and　to　work　out　what　I　have　worked　out　here。　My　affliction　might
otherwise　have　had　no　meaning　to　me。　Hence　I　would　forget；　and　I　do
forget；　nothing。　Hence　I　am　contented；　and　say　it　is　better　with　me
than　with　millions。'　As　she　spoke　these　words；　she　put　her　hand　upon　the
watch；　and　restored　it　to　the　precise　spot　on　her　little　table　which
it　always　occupied。　With　her　touch　lingering　upon　it；　she　sat　for　some
moments　afterwards；　looking　at　it　steadily　and　half…defiantly。

Mr　Blandois；　during　this　exposition；　had　been　strictly　attentive；
keeping　his　eyes　fastened　on　the　lady；　and　thoughtfully　stroking　his
moustache　with　his　two　hands。　Mr　Flintwinch　had　been　a　little　fidgety；
and　now　struck　in。

'There；　there；　there！'　said　he。　'That　is　quite　understood；　Mrs　Clennam；
and　you　have　spoken　piously　and　well。　Mr　Blandois；　I　suspect；　is　not
of　a　pious　cast。'　'On　the　contrary；　sir！'　that　gentleman　protested；
snapping　his　fingers。　'Your　pardon！　It's　a　part　of　my　character。　I　am
sensitive；　ardent；　conscientious；　and　imaginative。　A　sensitive；　ardent；
conscientious；　and　imaginative　man；　Mr　Flintwinch；　must　be　that；　or
nothing！'

There　was　an　inkling　of　suspicion　in　Mr　Flintwinch's　face　that　he　might
be　nothing；　as　he　swaggered　out　of　his　chair　（it　was　characteristic　of
this　man；　as　it　is　of　all　men　similarly　marked；　that　whatever　he　did；
he　overdid；　though　it　were　sometimes　by　only　a　hairsbreadth）；　and
approached　to　take　his　leave　of　Mrs　Clennam。

'With　what　will　appear　to　you　the　egotism　of　a　sick　old　woman；　sir；'　she
then　said；　'though　really　through　your　accidental　allusion；　I　have
been　led　away　into　the　subject　of　myself　and　my　infirmities。　Being　so
considerate　as　to　visit　me；　I　hope　you　will　be　likewise　so　considerate
as　to　overlook　that。　Don't　pliment　me；　if　you　please。'　For　he　was
evidently　going　to　do　it。　'Mr　Flintwinch　will　be　happy　to　render　you　any
service；　and　I　hope　your　stay　in　this　city　may　prove　agreeable。'

Mr　Blandois　thanked　her；　and　kissed　his　hand　several　times。　'This　is　an
old　room；'　he　remarked；　with　a　sudden　sprightliness　of　manner；　looking
round　when　he　got　near　the　door；　'I　have　been　so　interested　that　I　have
not　observed　it。　But　it's　a　genuine　old　room。'

'It　is　a　genuine　old　house；'　said　Mrs　Clennam；　with　her　frozen　smile。　'A
place　of　no　pretensions；　but　a　piece　of　antiquity。'

'Faith！'　cried　the　visitor。　'If　Mr　Flintwinch　would　do　me　the　favour　to
take　me　through　the　rooms　on　my　way　out；　he　could　hardly　oblige　me　more。
An　old　house　is　a　weakness　with　me。　I　have　many　weaknesses；　but　none
greater。　I　love　and　study　the　picturesque　in　all　its　varieties。　I　have
been　called　picturesque　myself。　It　is　no　merit　to　be　picturesque……I
have　greater　merits；　perhaps……but　I　may　be；　by　an　accident。　Sympathy；
sympathy！'

'I　tell　you　beforehand；　Mr　Blandois；　that　you'll　find　it　very　dingy　and
very　bare；'　said　Jeremiah；　taking　up　the　candle。　'It's　not　worth　your
looking　at。'But　Mr　Blandois；　smiting　him　in　a　friendly　manner　on　the
back；　only　laughed；　so　the　said　Blandois　kissed　his　hand　again　to　Mrs
Clennam；　and　they　went　out　of　the　room　together。

'You　don't　care　to　go　up…stairs？'　said　Jeremiah；　on　the　landing。　'On　the
contrary；　Mr　Flintwinch；　if　not　tiresome　to　you；　I　shall　be　ravished！'

Mr　Flintwinch；　therefore；　wormed　himself　up　the　staircase；　and　Mr
Blandois　followed　close。　They　ascended　to　the　great　garret　bed…room
which　Arthur　had　occupied　on　the　night　of　his　return。　'There；　Mr
Blandois！'　said　Jeremiah；　showing　it；　'I　hope　you　may　think　that　worth
ing　so　high　to　see。　I　confess　I　don't。'

Mr　Blandois　being　enraptured；　they　walked　through　other　garrets　and
passages；　and　came　down　the　staircase　again。　By　this　time　Mr　Flintwinch
had　remarked　that　he　never　found　the　visitor　looking　at　any　room；　after
throwing　one　quick　glance　around；　but　always　found　the　visitor　looking
at　him；　Mr　Flintwinch。　With　this　discovery　in　his　thoughts；　he　turned
about　on　the　staircase　for　another　experiment。　He　met　his　eyes　directly；
and　on　the　instant　of　their　fixing　one　another；　the　visitor；　with
that　ugly　play　of　nose　and　moustache；　laughed　（as　he　had　done　at　every
similar　moment　since　they　left　Mrs　Clennam's　chamber）　a　diabolically
silent　laugh。

As　a　much　shorter　man　than　the　visitor；　Mr　Flintwinch　was　at　the
physical　disadvantage　of　being　thus　disagreeably　leered　at　from　a
height；　and　as　he　went　first　down　the　staircase；　and　was　usually　a
step　or　two　lower　than　the　other；　this　disadvantage　was　at　the　time
increased。　He　postponed　looking　at　Mr　Blandois　again　until　this
accidental　inequality　was　removed　by　their　having　entered　the　late　Mr
Clennam's　room。　But；　then　twisting　himself　suddenly　round　upon　him；　he
found　his　look　unchanged。

'A　most　admirable　old　house；'　smiled　Mr　Blandois。　'So　mysterious。　Do　you
never　hear　any　haunted　noises　here？'

'Noises；'　returned　Mr　Flintwinch。　'No。'

'Nor　see　any　devils？'

'Not；'　said　Mr　Flintwinch；　grimly　screwing　himself　at　his　questioner；
'not　any　that　introduce　themselves　under　that　name　and　in　that
capacity。'

'Haha！　A　portrait　here；　I　see。'

（Still　looking　at　Mr　Flintwinch；　as　if　he　were　the　portrait。）

'It's　a　portrait；　sir；　as　you　observe。'

'May　I　ask　the　subject；　Mr　Flintwinch？'

'Mr　Clennam；　deceased。　Her　husband。'　'Former　owner　of　the　remarkable
watch；　perhaps？'　said　the　visitor。

Mr　Flintwinch；　who　had　cast　his　eyes　towards　the　portrait；　twisted
himself　about　again；　and　again　found　himself　the　subject　of　the　same
look　and　smile。　'Yes；　Mr　Blandois；'　he　replied　tartly。　'It　was　his；　and
his　uncle's　before　him；　and　Lord　knows　who　before　him；　and　that's　all　I
can　tell　you　of　its　pedigree。'

'That's　a　strongly　marked　character；　Mr　Flintwinch；　our　friend
up…stairs。'

'Yes；　sir；'　said　Jeremiah；　twisting　himself　at　the　visitor　again；　as　he
did　during　the　whole　of　this　dialogue；　like　some　screw…machine　that
fell　short　of　its　grip；　for　the　other　never　changed；　and　he　always
felt　obliged　to　retreat　a　little。　'She　is　a　remarkable　woman。　Great
fortitude……great　strength　of　mind。'

'They　must　have　been　very　happy；'　said　Blandois。

'Who？'　demanded　Mr　Flintwinch；　with　another　screw　at　him。

Mr　Blandois　shook　his　right　forefinger　towards　the　sick　room；　and　his
left　forefinger　towards　the　portrait；　and　then；　putting　his　arms　akimbo
and　striding　his　legs　wide　apart；　stood　smiling　down　at　Mr　Flintwinch
with　the　advancing　nose　and　the　retreating　moustache。

'As　happy　as　most　other　married　people；　I　suppose；'　returned　Mr
Flintwinch。　'I　can't　say。　I　don't　know。　There　are　secrets　in　all
families。'

'Secrets！'　cried　Mr　Blandois；　quickly。　'Say　it　again；　my　son。'

'I　say；'　replied　Mr　Flintwinch；　upon　whom　he　had　swelled　himself　so
suddenly　that　Mr　Flintwinch　found　his　face　almost　brushed　by　the　dilated
chest。　'I　say　there　are　secrets　in　all　families。'

'So　there　are；'　cried　the　other；　clapping　him　on　both　shoulders；　and